Why Imperfect is Just Fine...

How often have you set yourself a goal - started off blazing, all systems go, only to find a few days, weeks or months into it, the enthusiasm wanes, sputters and finally dies?

I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.

In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.

But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.

NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.

Seven steps to achieving your goals:

1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?

2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.

3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.

4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.

5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!

6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.

7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!

While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.

Best wishes,

Dawn

A Week in Twitterville

(Or: everything I know about Twitter I’ve learnt by mistake)

Twitter is another country. It’s a country where everyone is on 24-7. And you’re the newbie immigrant, fresh off the boat. You’ve stumbled on a land where everyone seems to know what they’re doing, everyone has a language you can’t quite understand, there appear to be rules but heaven knows what they are. And boy, it’s noisy, isn’t it? So you blunder around, you mess up, you make a fool of yourself (or was that only me?).

At the time of writing this blog, I have only slightly more than 150 followers and 79 tweets so I am a bare dot on the huge intangible mass that is Twitter. In other words I am not a social networking ingénue. But I am human. So, these are not Twitter rules by any stretch of the imagination. This is my own personal Twitter survival guide pulled together after emerging blinking from a week of total Twitter immersion. I hope you don’t mind if I share. If they make sense to you use them, share them (retweet them!  Get me, picking up the lingo already).

Yesterday I had to give myself a good talking to. It went something like this:

1. You have nothing to prove. No, really. You may one day even have 5,000 followers. But they won’t be hanging on to every word you say. They really won’t. Unless you’re Barack Obama, and last time I looked, you weren’t.

2. The world will go on turning if you don’t tweet for a day or two. So go on relax, prise your fingers from the keyboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.

3. Remember the old days when you came across something interesting, you’d want to share it with your friends and family? How often would that happen – once a day? Two or three times a week? So all of a sudden you’re sharing everything you do from the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed? Why? Oh yes, because you can. Can doesn’t mean should.

4. Twitter is not your confidante. It’s not your best friend. Twitter is a stranger you’ve just met at a cocktail party or business function. Remember that.

5. Only tweet when you feel moved to not because you feel you must. You don’t have to be the most articulate, the most intelligent, the funniest, the most resourceful, insightful, the coolest... you just have to be you.

6. You have a real life. Remember those things attached to your body? They’re called legs. Use them, move them around a bit. Feels good, doesn’t it? Get outside. Speak to real people – you know the ones you can actually physically see. With your eyes.

7. Oh yes, performance anxiety. Just because you have people following you, you don’t have to be perfect. See Rule 1 and 5. Go ahead and get it wrong sometimes, look stupid. Laugh at yourself.

8. It’s not a competition... unless you want your epitaph to be “This woman/man was amazing on Twitter.” Ignore the follower count.

9. Twitter is not for the paranoid – if you are even slightly paranoid, you will become more so. That person who unfollows you, the deafening silence you get when you tweet something you thought was really really hilarious... all that will serve to convince you, you are the outcast at the party, so that’s why I needed rule number 10:

10. Have a Twitter Strategy – okay for the first week or so, you might get so immersed in Twitter you lose all sense of reason (your house doesn’t get cleaned, the kids don’t get fed). But once you wake from it, in my case with a bewildered look on my face (something I like to call my Twitterface), a strategy looks like a sure thing. Decide what you want to use Twitter for – business, social, a mixture of both - and then stick to it.

11. More importantly - have a Twitter Antidote. Twitter can get noisy and exhausting and overwhelming. Do something else. You were you before Twitter happened, you still are. Though perhaps slightly more dishevelled. Would it hurt you to brush your hair once in a while?

12. Tune out the noise. Personally I think it’s only good manners if someone follows you for you to follow them right back. They’re extending their hand in greeting. You wouldn’t refuse to shake someone’s hand in real life – why do it on Twitter? But your Twitter world is going to get real noisy real soon. Enter Tony Mack @TonyMackGD who put aside his own incredulity at my ignorance to kindly tell me how to use Tweetdeck to create my own lists. Thank you Tony!

13. You’re not missing anything important if you don’t read every tweet. If it’s that important it will be on the news.

14. Lighten up. Being sociable all the time is hard work, and more so if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.  It may feel like another country, but wherever you go, there you will be... even on Twitter.

Best wishes,



Dawn

You're a What?

If I had a pound for every time someone asked me what a business coach is... well, there's a beach in Bali that has my name on it.

I've experimented with several different ways of explaining what I do. And I'm not alone in Coach World. Trying to define the term life or business coach takes up a hefty chunk of Coach Training 101.

The one I'm currently going with (and it does change) is: well, you know how a personal trainer helps get your body in shape? A business coach is a personal trainer for your business, getting your business into the shape you want it to be, trimming the fat, building some muscle, strengthening the backbone.

Defining your product or your services to your customer can be tricky if what you do is something completely new and, as a result, foreign.

So I liked this article and video tweeted by @GuyKawasaki on a technique called Anchor and Twist
Hope you find it useful!

Dawn

What Are You Putting Up With?

If you find any word in this post that's clearly missing a c let me know and I'll give you £5.

My cat likes to sit on my laptop (because it's warm and I sometimes - stupid me -  leave it open). When I tried to prise her off after her latest attempt at disguising herself as a laptop cover, she did what all cats do, she dug her claws in. And  pulled the c off. After some fiddling I reattached it but ... it's not perfect. Sometimes the c works if I really make sure I push the key down hard, sometimes I forget and I type ontrary and aount. Oh rap!

(Before you go tweeting me demanding your fiver, those ones I just wrote were intentional, okay?)

This same week I also found myself wrestling with the washing machine for the umpteenth time, holding the broken cupboard door up to stop it falling on the floor while simultaneously opening the machine door with my other hand and throwing a pile of laundry inside. I then spent several minutes trying to lodge the broken door back in place so no one would notice any difference to my other "non-broken" cupboard doors. This all coincided with my neighbour casually asking me last night if my fridge light had gone out. He'd gone looking in my fridge for a bottle of white wine. I didn't dare tell him it had gone out circa Halloween 2008.

A coach colleague of mine calls it "the sand in your shoe"... in a nutshell, it's all the stuff you're putting up with for one reason or another, the stuff that irritates the hell out of you but you just haven't got round to doing anything about. Other than moan.

The sand in your shoe, what you're putting up with, your tolerations - they can sap your time, sap your money, and more importantly, sap your energy.

Every time you walk by your desk, trying to blithely ignore the pile of papers you haven't filed yet, every time you spend twenty minutes looking for the pair of scissors somewhere in the house, every time you apologise about the mess when you offer to give your friends a lift in the car (or worse, avoid giving your friend a lift because you're too embarrassed about the state of it) - all those things you know you "should" do/be doing/have done - nag you.

And no one likes a nag. Even if it is only your Inner You nagging your Outer You. Eventually, what you're tolerating leaves you feeling overwhelmed and either unable or unwilling to tackle even the smallest thing.

A pile of filing might not seem like a priority but if it takes you 20 minutes to find a document because it's not filed properly, then it's a drain on your time, energy and money.

What are you putting up with?

Tackling your tolerations first involves finding out what they really are:

Part One:
Give yourself thirty minutes, sit down with a pen and paper or at your computer and start making your list. List every single thing you are putting up with. You don't have to limit it to tangible things either. Maybe you're putting up with your other half being constantly late, or a boss who treats you badly, or a job you've simply outgrown. List everything that's irritating you, bothering you, and generally making you feel miserable.

Don't be alarmed if you've got quite a long list there. The first time I did this I had 161 tolerations! I must have been like a bear with a sore head to be around.

Part Two:
Now decide which one of your tolerations you're going to do something about first. Then go take care of it until you can cross it off your list. Then move on to the next toleration.

You might want to tackle one thing on your list every week, or one item every day, or if you get a real burst of energy you might find yourself crossing four or five items off your list in one go.

There's a very good reason why you might do the latter. Scientists have found that accomplishing small tasks or completing a challenge releases endorphins much the same way exercise does.

Taking action and doing something about all those things that are bothering you feels good. And that creates an upward spiral, giving you a boost of energy to get even more done.

Best wishes,



Dawn

Fear Busting

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. It’s a quote we’ve probably heard so often we might have become  jaded about its real meaning. The words were spoken famously by Winston Churchill, but also by the American President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, during his first inaugural address in 1933. At the time America, and the world, were going through The Great Depression. Much like today, people were losing their homes, their jobs. Hope and optimism were at an all-time low. The full sentence was:

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

In short, what FDR was saying was, while things might well be really bad  right now, if we give in to fear, become paralysed by pessimism and doubt and do nothing to get ourselves back on our feet, then things can and will get a whole lot worse. No matter how frightened you are, take action. Sometimes doing one small thing that moves you in the direction of your goal can kick-start an upward spiral away from feeling that fear and doubt.


Five tips to get yourself unspooked

It's part of the journey
Fear is part and parcel of the journey, the same way service stations are part of the motorway. Expect it. In fact expect fear to raise its ugly head every 10 miles or so. Stop a while if you have to, but ultimately get back in the car and keep on going. Your destination is not a service station.

Call it what it is
Get into the habit of recognising when you feel fear. We've got so good at deceiving ourselves we often deny we're feeling anxious or nervous about a task or project, meeting or appointment. But if you find yourself putting something off time and again or if you're procrastinating more than usual, take a long hard look at what's going on. Label it "fear" and question what the fear is about. Ask yourself: Why am I so afraid of doing this? The answers can be enlightening.

It's like Halloween
The thought occured to me as I watched my kids try on their Halloween costumes, that a lot of what we fear is very much like a Halloween costume - strip away the fake blood, the skeleton outfit and grotty fake teeth and it's just a harmless three-year old with a very sweet tooth underneath. How much of what we fear is as terrifying as it at first appears? Fear can trick you into thinking the very worst thing that can happen ...will happen.

Which is why I get my clients to imagine their...

Worst-Case Scenario
What's the very worst thing you can imagine happening as you try to achieve your goal? Now think through how you would handle it? You'd handle it, right?

How have you handled problems in the past? However you handled them, recognise that you got over, through, past and beyond them.

Trust you have what it takes to get yourself out of the worst predicament. The world will not end, the sky won't fall down.

Here and Now
Fear is paralysing. The fear of putting a step wrong can be enough to stop us in our tracks. But fear is usually all about what might happen in the future, not about what might happen right now. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by pessimism and terrifying thoughts of what might happen, bring yourself back to the moment. What can you do today to move you in the direction of your goal? Forget tomorrow, next week, three months from now. Focus on the present. It might be a small thing, it might be a small part of a bigger task. But breaking your big chunk of worry down into smaller bite-size pieces helps reduce that scary feeling.

Even the smallest dot of optimism when coupled with action can be enough to keep fear in its place and stop it stopping you in your tracks.


Best wishes,

Dawn

Are you the world's greatest juggler?

Do you ever get the feeling you've got way too many balls in the air? The job, that side project you're working on, that charity you've somehow volunteered you're going to arrange a cake sale for, the trips to the gym you have to make, the play dates you have to arrange for your kids plus the weekly visit to the in-laws. To the casual outsider it might look like you're the person who can do anything and everything without a moment's pause - others might describe you as capable and responsible and conscientious. Sound familiar?

The reality of it, however, is you feel it's all going to come crashing down around your ankles in spectacular fashion the minute you take your eyes off the balls, the moment you lose focus or pause for just a minute. Even though your mind and body may be crying out for you to do just that - stop - you don't. You keep on juggling.

The danger is that it all starts becoming overwhelming. When you're juggling that many balls, realistically, there's only so much focus and attention you can give each one. Add one more thing to juggle and your resources - your time, energy, patience - just get that much further stretched. Ultimately you end up giving less of yourself to more things. And when you give less of yourself, the results are usually less than satisfying. People start to complain - maybe your work isn't quite as polished as usual, your partner resents that you're not really connecting... and that negative feedback can make you feel that all you need to do is juggle harder and faster to keep everyone happy.

So, stop. Stop juggling for a moment. Take a minute to think of all the things you are doing, all the stuff you are keeping up in the air, sometimes by sheer willpower alone.

How much of this stuff is necessary?
How much of what you are juggling is fulfilling?
What can you let go of?
What would happen if you let go?

Sometimes the things we do have nothing whatsoever to do with what's important to us. We take on a project and never stop to evaluate months down the line, if that project is still valid, or we adopt a certain behaviour and stick with it, never realising that sometimes our behaviour no longer works in our current lives. A lot of what we do is because we think we should, not because we really want to.

Just for one day, allow yourself to drop a few of the things on your "have to do" list. You can always pick them up again tomorrow. If you're feeling motivated, think about what you could drop for a month. Or, even... what could you let go of forever?

Have a great week,

Dawn

The Naked Face

What it means to be truly authentic

About a year ago, I was in an audience to hear BBC Radio 2 presenter Chris Evans talk about the ups and downs of his career. One of the most talented presenters of his generation, Chris became famous for his outrageous style and for breaking boundaries. In the chat, he recalled a conversation he'd had with a senior producer on his very first day on the job. After the show, the producer took him to one side and said, "That was great Chris, but was that the real you?". Chris was puzzled. "Of course that was the real me." "OK," the producer said, "But if it wasn't, make your money and get out of presenting fast, before the audience realises".

What the producer was trying to say was: Be yourself, don't try to be something you're not. Because in the world of TV and radio, once the audience sniffs out you're a fake you're finished.

We seem to be hardwired to spot a phony, don't we? It may not even be something we're conscious of, but if someone is putting on an act just to please us, we can somehow sense it and we don't like it. Someone who is not who they say they are instantly loses all credibility and respect. The minute we spot a fake, we're baying for blood.

So what is being authentic, being an authentic person? I would say it's condensing all your actions, behaviours, words until they truly represent who you really are? It takes practise. It requires a degree of self-examination. It means asking yourself, "Am I saying what I really think in this situation?" or, "Am I being brave enough to be me or am I just conforming to what I think this situation or these people require of me".

I find that especially true in the business environment. We tend to put on a different face when we're working in a corporate environment to the one we'd wear at home. Of course, the world of business dicates we all behave in a certain way, there's an unwritten code of conduct, for good or bad. But, that doesn't mean we all need to lose ourselves and become yes men or women.

Think of all the great truly individual people you know of. Think of the businessmen and women who seem to have broken the mould, the people you respect the most, think of those great networkers. What makes them different?

A friend described great networkers as 'people who are themselves no matter who they speak to'. I think that's about right. But it's more than that. They are people who either, consciously or unconsciously, realise that our differences are our strengths. Meeting someone who is being "truly themself " is refreshing. It's also inspiring.

And, not to mention, smart. Think about all the energy you expend, switching your mask or playing a different role to suit every different occasion. If you're constantly switching between roles, well, frankly, isn't that a little exhausting? If you're just one person - you - 100% of the time, well, that's simple isn't it?

So, on the road to becoming truly authentic, here are a few thoughts:

* In any situation where you are required to be present, to contribute - be it at work or at home ask - Am I being truly authentic? Am I standing by what I believe in, what I feel or know to be true?

* What do I stand to lose or gain by not being who I really am?

* What do I stand to lose or gain by being who I truly am?

* Forget for a moment your perception of how you "should" be. I hear clients say things like "Well, to be any good in business I should be hard-nosed" or "I should be networking 24-7". Reinvent what it means to be good in business - go with what feels right for you. The minute you step outside being authentic, you'll feel it. It will feel uncomfortable.

* What roles do I regularly play? Mr Dependable? Yummy Mummy? Domestic Goddess? Put-upon employee? How does that serve me? Does it serve me well? Is that who I really am or is it something I feel I am trying to live up to?

* What would it feel like to ditch that role and just be simply myself?

Have a great week,


Dawn

The P Word

If you're British, and I am, then chances are you're uncomfortable with the p word. Passion. We don't talk about our passions much, do we? What we're passionate about, what blows our hair back and floats our boat... well, it's all slightly embarrassing. At most someone might say "Yeah, I really love doing this or that". But if someone starts talking about their "passion", chances are they'll be given a slightly wary look and a much wider berth from that point on. Step back from the crazy person. Passion we leave to our high-fiving American friends, or the Italians... they're much better at it than we are.

But passion, what we're passionate about, what drives us, is an important part of who we are. If we're talking about life being a journey - and it seems everyone is talking about their "journey" these days - then passion pretty much is the vehicle you're driving, the compass you're navigating with, the route map and the road. And it's certainly the fuel in your engine.

And at 0 pence per litre, you can go a long way without breaking the bank.

Some clients come to me knowing exactly what they want to talk about. They have a clear goal and generally need someone to help them create a strategy to achieve that goal. Others don't have a clear goal, just a sense (vague or otherwise) that life doesn't quite fit the way they want it to. Like a badly-fitting suit, it's tight in all the wrong places, the fabric is itchy and makes them look frumpy. And the colour's all wrong.

"Passion is the fuel in your

engine. And at 0 pence per

litre, you can go a long way

without breaking the bank"

Whenever I coach a client who doesn't have a clear idea of what they want, just a very clear idea of what they don't want, one of the first things I do is try to connect them to what they feel passionate about. Some people have a real fear of not knowing where they're going, or even where they want to go. There's a sense that we should know what we want to do with our lives, we should have goals and visions and plans. But the beauty in not knowing is that you have a whole blank page upon which to create something. And it can be anything. Without a fixed goal, anything is possible. You are free to let your passions guide you.

So what are you passionate about and what are you going to do about it?

Passions don't have to be some big deal. Not everyone wants to be a novelist or actor or become the next big entrepreneur. One of my friends, a former professional singer, hasn't sung in public for 20 years. One day she woke up and realised how much she missed it. So she joined a local choir and that's all she needs to get that same little buzz from doing something she really really loves.

So... take a pen and paper. Make a list.

*what would you do with your day for pure enjoyment's sake if you didn't have to work, didn't have any responsibilities and had limitless resources (money, technology, space, time). List as many things as possible.

* which of the things you listed could potentially a) provide a source of income; b) improve your life in material, emotional and physical ways? Cross out any of the items on your list that don't fit the above criteria (so out goes the 24-hour tv session and gorging on chocolate all day - sorry!)

* Of the remaining items on your list - which one really really excites you?

* How could you get more of it into your life?

* What steps are you going to commit to, in order to get more of it into your life?

* What is the first step?

* Take that first step.

Have a great week,

Dawn

PS: I've just dug out an old 70s song by Harry Nilssen for my kids to have a listen. It's called Blanket for a Sail. It's about a tiny little boat, faith is keeping it afloat and it's got a tiny little skipper with a worn and tattered coat:

"The laws of the ocean, say that you should never fail.

Just use your heart as a rudder, faith as a compass and a blanket for a sail"

The Importance of the Box...

I'm talking jigsaw puzzles here. Now, I'm not one for jigsaws, the ones that come in boxes. Maybe because I'm too busy sorting out puzzles all my very own on a daily basis. But it was while I was sorting out one of these daily dilemmas that I started to see how the way to solve problems successfully is much like sitting down to do that 1,000-piecer your well-meaning Auntie got you for Christmas when you were about 8. You know, the one with the sailing boats or the two kittens sitting in a basket of wool.

So, what do you do when you do a jigsaw? Well, first you tip all those little (irritating) pieces out on the carpet or table or wherever. (I remember my grandma's carpet, big intricately coloured and patterned - nightmare for jigsaws). Then what do you do? You start laboriously turning all those little pieces over so that the picture side is face up. Maybe you start sorting out which are edge pieces, which are corner pieces, maybe you group together the pieces that are obviously sky (or kitten) versus sea (wool).

And then you look at the box. Or rather the picture on the box. Picture on the box, pieces on the carpet, picture on the box... you've done jigsaws, you know what I mean.

One particular problem I was trying to sort out recently was how many hours and human beings it was going to take to cover childcare over a 24 hour period. Every solution I came up with ultimately drew a blank. Just as I was about to curl up in the fetal position and pull the duvet over my head I had a thought. I don't even know what the picture is, let alone where all the pieces go. Once I realised that it all became relatively simple.

So, then. Let's say the first rule of solving a problem or creating a plan is: what is the picture, the one you are trying to create? What does the solution to your problem look like, in other words.

Once you know what your picture is, the rest is straightforward enough. You start looking at the pieces you've got on the table/carpet. These pieces - these are your resources. In my case, these were friends, family, babysitters, playgroups I could somehow wrangle/cajole and bribe into helping me out.

Next step, unless you really enjoy being hard on yourself, (in which case, I say go for it) you create the framework. You line up all those edge pieces, match them together until you've created your frame inside which all the other pieces will go.

Your frame is the parameter of your plan. You've dismissed silly ideas, impractical ideas, ideas that require too much money, time, energy... these belong outside the parameter. You don't need to worry about them any more.

So then you're left with the pieces that do work. You slowly examine each piece/resource... where does it fit in this picture, the picture on the box, your plan? Sometimes, those puzzles are easy-peasy: 25 pieces, 50 pieces; sometimes they're the doozies, 1000 pieces - these take time and effort and lots of thought.... and patience.

But once you have the picture - if you have the picture - it's simply a matter of taking each step one piece at a time.

Back to the box. It's got the picture on it. The picture is also the theme. Like me you might have lots of different jigsaws relating to different themes in your life: childcare, work, friends, family, children, health. And every day or week or month, life will throw up a particular challenge that needs sorting out and piecing together. Keep referring back to the picture... it'll keep you on the right track.

Hoping they're all 25-piecers...


Dawn

Eyes on the Prize

Trying your vision on for size

Ever tried on a new suit or dress and something about it made you stand just that little bit taller, hold your head a bit higher, push your shoulders back just that much further? Something about the look and feel of it and how it made you look and feel when you turned to the mirror, well, it might have even made you walk differently. Perhaps you even, dare I say it... strutted?

Imagine now then that your vision is that suit. Whatever your vision is, whether it's signing up your first client for your start-up business, crossing the finishing line of the marathon, or getting into a smaller dress size, you need to both see and feel it.

Ask any athlete and their coach and they'll tell you that visualisation is as important a part of training as running any distance, or jumping any height or kicking any ball.

In the case of, say, a golfer - he will see himself swing the club in the optimum arc to the correct height and then back to the ball which he will then see himself hit at the correct angle, with the right amount of force and follow-through. The act of visualising it involves more than just playing it like a video in his head. While he visualises the movement, his brain is sending messages to his arms, his legs, his knees (whichever part of his body will be involved in the swing) about their correct alignment and position. It's not magic, it's a dress rehearsal. By the time he comes out to the green he's been through the golf swing so many times in his mind, his body is primed to perform the swing just as he visualised it.

Visualisation is not just for athletes. Anyone can apply this visualisation technique to just about anything.

So let's take the example of dropping a dress size. You want to lose 5lbs in 6 weeks. Visualise you - you reaching that goal. How will you look? More importantly, how will you feel? Imagine your body already 5lbs lighter. Act as if you've already achieved it. How do you feel about yourself? Proud, happy, excited... record those feelings and mentally tag them to the goal of losing 5lbs in 6 weeks.

Whenever you feel tempted to cheat on your diet/exercise programme, stop - remember your goal and those happy, proud and excited feelings. Make those feelings as tangible as that suit I described earlier. Which feels better - sticking to your programme or eating that donut?

Experiment a little to find out what works for you - some people find a visualisation exercise once a week is perfect, for others, five minutes of visualising achieving their goal every day keeps them on track.

Anyone for Swingball?

Here's a visualisation exercise for anyone who wants a little extra help sticking to those New Year's Resolutions.

Ever played Swingball? You know, the tennis ball on a piece of string attached to a pole which goes into the ground. You and your opponent bat the ball round and round the pole, one clockwise, the other anti-clockwise. One player is trying to get the rope moving up the central coils all the way to the top of the pole, the other player is trying to move the rope down the central coils to the bottom of the pole. Each swing of the ball moves the rope upwards or downwards depending who hits it.

Imagine your goal is at the top of the Swingball pole. Let's take exercising as a our resolution as it seems to be most common one people make.

So, you've planned out your exercise programme - say, you're going to exercise three times a week for thirty minutes.

Every time you exercise, imagine you are hitting the Swingball and the rope is moving up one coil. At the end of the week you've exercised three times, you've reached the top of the pole. Great. Now repeat the process at the start of the next week, and the week after that and so on.

So, now what generally happens? At around week three or so, we have this habit of veering off track. Say you miss one day of exercise for whatever reason. You may just be busy, it may just be an off day, you might just be feeling uninspired. What tends to happen with New Year's Resolutions is the very moment we "fail" - we miss a run, eat that chocolate muffin, have a cigarette - the psychological impact of failing is enough to send us spiralling downwards. We've set ourselves such a high standard with no wiggle room for the odd slip-up that the guilt and the feeling of failing sabotage our plans. We give up.

So let's stop there for a minute. Retrace our steps - and imagine that Swingball again. So you miss an exercise day - what happens to the Swingball? The rope moves down just one coil - note: it does not automatically go all the way to the bottom. You are still, generally speaking, making upwards progress. Does that make it easier to keep your goals, and your progress towards them, in context?

The key then:

• break your New Year's Resolution into small bite-size chunks. This week I will exercise three times for thirty minutes rather than I am going to exercise every day for the next three months. Or, for today only I'm going to eat healthily rather than I'm never going to eat chocolate again.

• imagine the Swingball - or if you like - upward progress, versus downward progress. Every time you exercise, eat healthily for a day, take vitamins, don't smoke - you move one step upwards. Keep focused on reaching the top of the coil...

• If you slip up, remember keeping the top of the Swingball coil in focus, think: what can i do to keep myself on track?

• give yourself lots of positive feedback - praise yourself - how often do we do that? feel good about every step no matter how small.

• be kind to yourself - New Year's Resolutions are about becoming better people - fitter, healthier, nicer. That in itself is something to feel good about.

Good luck with all your resolutions!

Warmest wishes,

Dawn

The Art of Giving

One of the coaches I trained under has recently started his own blog. Dr Jim Vuocolo is one of the wisest, kindest coaches I have been lucky enough to meet. His first blog had this holiday message.

Every year Jim and his wife choose a random address in the local phone book from a rundown section of the town they live in. They send an anonymous note to that address, along with a $10 or $20 bill. The note simply says: "Dear friend — If you can use the enclosed gift to make life better for yourself or someone else this holiday season, please do so. If not, please take a moment to pass it on anonymously to someone else. Thank you, and have a truly blessed holiday season!"

What a great idea. I started thinking how it would feel to receive a gift like that in the mail and it inspired me to think about doing the same. But as I wondered how I would decide which address to send my donation to, I started thinking. "What if the money gets "lost" in the post?" My family used to send money in the post in birthday and Christmas cards, but twice the money never showed up. Either it got lost, or I admit I started harbouring suspicions about the men and women who work in our local sorting office.

Then I started thinking - What if the person I send the money to uses it to buy alcohol or drugs or what if they gambled it away? What if they were insulted by the charity? What if it went to someone really evil?

By this time I'd pretty much talked myself out of the whole idea.

So I had to stop myself for a minute and give myself a good talking to. How often have we talked ourselves out of doing something nice or charitable by seeing the negative? The homeless person on the street who you walk on by because you know he's going to buy booze with any money he gets? The thought that any donation you make to organised charity might just get swallowed up by administration costs or paying salaries?

When we do that though, we deny ourselves an important part of the giving process. Giving is a two-way thing. It feels good to give, maybe even better than it does to receive. No, we can't control how our gifts - money, time, patience - will be received, but really that side of it is out of our hands.

We can only control our own happiness - giving will make you feel better, that's almost guaranteed.

You can find Dr Jim Vuocolo's blog here: http://jimvuocolo.com and at www.soulbusiness.com

Wishing you all good things for 2009,

Dawn