Why New Year's Resolutions Go Wrong...

It's that time of year again. After perhaps eating and drinking a little too much over the holiday season, when the waistband feels a little bit tighter and we're feeling just a little bit blah from the excess... there comes that moment when many of us may sit down and write a list. A list of all those things we want to either start doing or more often stop doing, the ultimate aim to be an all-round better person - healthier, fitter, happier, nicer...

We do it every year without fail, and every year without fail, two weeks in to giving up smoking, chocolate, gossiping, whatever it is, we're at it again. Why do we start the year with such good intentions only to fall and fail? Those NYRs fall by the wayside and become just one other thing we beat ourselves up about, more proof that we're failures - I'll never lose weight, I'll never give up smoking, I'm never going to be able to save enough to get my own home. I'm useless.

And there's the secret.

We're not very gentle on ourselves are we? Stop for a moment and listen to that inner nag - the one that berates you for eating that chocolate bar, or forgetting to call your brother on his birthday. Would it ever be acceptable to speak to another human being the way we speak to ourselves? Imagine taking all those words you use to beat yourself up and saying them to a child. We'd be horrified, wouldn't we?

What happened to giving ourselves a little bit of room and space to fall down occasionally?

So here's the tip. If you, like many people, are deciding on your New Year's Resolutions right now, remind yourself it's not an all or nothing process. Expect a few little slip ups, build them in to your expectations, but when you do slip up, be kind to yourself and keep going.

For example, if you've gone a whole week without eating chocolate only to give in to temptation at the weekend, allow yourself that moment. One slip up won't undo your week of being good. Chart your progress on a weekly basis, not a daily one, see the bigger picture. When you are kinder to yourself, when you focus on what you've done right, not what you perceive you've done wrong, the positive feedback you give yourself, creates an upward spiral of energy to help you keep going.

Setting yourself goals is an ongoing process - it's about gradually improving and seeing progress. It is not all or nothing, win or lose. You have a lifetime to be a fitter, happier, healthier person. Don't beat yourself up over one false step.

After many years of not making New Year's Resolutions, this year I will be... one of those is to reconnect with friends I've lost touch with over the past six months, to give some time to people whose company I value.

Happy New Year - I wish you all good things for 2009!