Back in February of this year I decided to start swimming. I've never been a great swimmer, actually not even very comfortable in water. On the first attempt I managed two lengths (of a very small pool). My heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest, my legs and arms felt wobbly, the blood in my ears pounded. Slightly disappointing, in other words.
I don't know why I continued over the next few days and weeks. I do remember using the promise of the sauna and steam room as a reward for sticking it out for another five minutes. Just five minutes more. Two lengths became five, five became 10. I remember the day I told family and friends I'd be breaking through the 20-length barrier that day. I did 30.
Okay, I'm sounding like I'm showing off but really I'm just trying to say I'm a rubbish swimmer, so if I can do it anyone can. So, now I swim 50 lengths three or four times a week. And I love it. The calmness of the water, feeling how much stronger my arms and legs are these days, the hypnotic, meditative rhythm of hearing my breathing in my ears as I dip underwater and surface to exhale. I am converted.
By thirty lengths I get into my stride, my mind tunes out and swimming becomes hypnotic. It's in the last 20 laps I like to think I do my best thinking. This morning I started to see how lessons from the swimming pool can be used in real everyday life.
1. Don't limit yourself to rules of your own making
My pool has three blue lines painted on the bottom. They demarcate the lanes. This morning I started off with the pool to myself. No reason to stick to any particular lane then I thought. So, very indulgently, I swam down the middle of the pool, spreading out, feeling very good about myself. Five minutes later I was joined by an elderly woman. We nodded to each other and she got in... right next to me, following the blue line painted on the bottom, even though she also had plenty of pool to spread out in. This forced me up against the side wall. I started to get a bit annoyed. I tried to think of coach-like ways to say "Can you move over?". "Look at all this space, isn't it nice to be able to spread out..?" In the end I decided to just tune the external distraction out and concentrate on my own swimming. But I wondered - why do some people stick to the lines, even when they've got a whole pool to spread out in?
2. Choose the right goal
At one point, buoyed on by my progress, I boasted my ultimate goal would be to swim 100 lengths. When I started regularly swimming 50 lengths I noticed it took me about 25 minutes. I feel great, I've lost weight, toned up and feel healthy. It's 30 minutes of exercise, three times a week. Just what the doctor ordered. I suddenly questioned whether there was any real reason to aim for 100 lengths? Would I feel any better than I do now, or was it just an ego trip? Worse, that would be an hour in the pool which could lead to boredom and fatigue. The 100-length goal suddenly didn't seem so valid after all. So, regularly re-evaluate your goals - if they're still relevant fine, if not, dump them.
3. The more people in the pool, the choppier it gets
It's all very well swimming in an empty pool. The water's calm and peaceful, it's easy to hit your stride. As more people get in though, the water gets choppier, it gets harder to move yourself forward and not be rocked side to side by the "waves", water gets in your eyes and mouth... it's not pleasant. The same could be said to be true of the office, your business dealings, your home life.. the more people involved, the choppier it gets. In the water, you wear goggles, you hold your breath. More important you shut your mouth so as not to swallow the swimming pool.
... wear goggles, hold your breath, shut your mouth. Develop a way to protect yourself when things get rough.
4. Tune in, not out - become aware of yourself
As I mentioned above, after about 30 lengths I get into the zone. My breathing becomes really deep and regular, my arms and legs move smoothly, it becomes almost effortless. I stop thinking about swimming and start feeling the swimming, how good the water feels, how strong my arms and legs are. With the sound of my breathing as a background to my thoughts, I get into a very nice place to think about work, family, stuff that's come up, without any other distractions. When life gets noisy and there are too many distractions, it's sometimes good to block out the bigger picture and focus on the smaller things for a brief period of time.
And lastly,
5. There is a deep end. This is you out of your comfort zone. Tread water
Best wishes,
Dawn
Monday, 17 May 2010
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Need vs Needy
How often do you think about what you really need? Not want - that's a different thing altogether. But need. What do you really need to be happy? To be living a life that feels just comfortable, relatively easy, just right? And.... how much of that stuff do you need?
Need is a funny thing. As humans we have basic physical needs: to eat, sleep, drink. Those are pretty straight forward. But we also have emotional needs that are as every bit as legitimate as the physical ones. So why is it that we often times find it hard to a) admit to those emotional needs and b) ask for those emotional needs to be met?
Emotional needs - to be loved, cared for, listened to, respected, valued, there's a long list. They're every bit as important as having food and shelter and warmth. But there's a word that starts to creep in to a conversation about people's needs that gets used to label those needs as somehow wrong. We say someone is "needy" - or "too needy". Have you ever heard a friend or colleague explain breaking up with someone by saying he or she was "too needy"?
In essence, aren't they really saying "This person has needs I cannot meet." The failing then is with them, but by accusing the other of having needs that are unreasonable and exceptional, the blame is shifted. In reality, there is no such thing as being too needy. Needs are needs - it's how they are received that makes all the difference.
As a consequence though, no one wants to be accused of being too needy - so rather we refrain from admiting we have emotional needs at all.
Which is a real shame. When you understand what your true needs are you start to really understand yourself, your motivations for doing the things you do and the choices you sometimes subconsciously take. When you explain your needs to another person - in a personal relationship for example - you are giving them the opportunity to meet those needs, to show they care.
And it's not just personal relationships where we want our needs to be met. We have needs at work, with friends, with our children and so on.
One of my clients, Jennifer, was having a problem with a work assignment. She explained that she didn't feel she could do the job because she hadn't got the right amount of information. She was worried she would turn in a bad document and that the client would be unhappy.
I asked: What do you need your client to give you so that you can do this job well?
It was a question she hadn't thought to ask herself - so there was a long pause before she reeled off a list of information she was missing. I then asked if it would be okay for her to go back to her client and ask for them to send her all the missing data so she could complete the task. She laughed. Of course it would be okay. Why wouldn't it? The solution was quite simple but one she hadn't even thought of. Her perception was that by asking her client for what she needed - extra information - she would appear incompetent and incapable. In fact the reverse was true. The client respected her for knowing exactly what she needed to get the job done and for asking them to fulfill their side of the bargain to give that information to her.
So, in a nutshell, it's about being brave and asking for what you need. Don't expect the other person - your partner, boss, friend - to guess your needs. Only you know what they are. Ask for what you need. Most likely you'll get it.
Best wishes
Dawn
Need is a funny thing. As humans we have basic physical needs: to eat, sleep, drink. Those are pretty straight forward. But we also have emotional needs that are as every bit as legitimate as the physical ones. So why is it that we often times find it hard to a) admit to those emotional needs and b) ask for those emotional needs to be met?
Emotional needs - to be loved, cared for, listened to, respected, valued, there's a long list. They're every bit as important as having food and shelter and warmth. But there's a word that starts to creep in to a conversation about people's needs that gets used to label those needs as somehow wrong. We say someone is "needy" - or "too needy". Have you ever heard a friend or colleague explain breaking up with someone by saying he or she was "too needy"?
In essence, aren't they really saying "This person has needs I cannot meet." The failing then is with them, but by accusing the other of having needs that are unreasonable and exceptional, the blame is shifted. In reality, there is no such thing as being too needy. Needs are needs - it's how they are received that makes all the difference.
As a consequence though, no one wants to be accused of being too needy - so rather we refrain from admiting we have emotional needs at all.
Which is a real shame. When you understand what your true needs are you start to really understand yourself, your motivations for doing the things you do and the choices you sometimes subconsciously take. When you explain your needs to another person - in a personal relationship for example - you are giving them the opportunity to meet those needs, to show they care.
And it's not just personal relationships where we want our needs to be met. We have needs at work, with friends, with our children and so on.
One of my clients, Jennifer, was having a problem with a work assignment. She explained that she didn't feel she could do the job because she hadn't got the right amount of information. She was worried she would turn in a bad document and that the client would be unhappy.
I asked: What do you need your client to give you so that you can do this job well?
It was a question she hadn't thought to ask herself - so there was a long pause before she reeled off a list of information she was missing. I then asked if it would be okay for her to go back to her client and ask for them to send her all the missing data so she could complete the task. She laughed. Of course it would be okay. Why wouldn't it? The solution was quite simple but one she hadn't even thought of. Her perception was that by asking her client for what she needed - extra information - she would appear incompetent and incapable. In fact the reverse was true. The client respected her for knowing exactly what she needed to get the job done and for asking them to fulfill their side of the bargain to give that information to her.
So, in a nutshell, it's about being brave and asking for what you need. Don't expect the other person - your partner, boss, friend - to guess your needs. Only you know what they are. Ask for what you need. Most likely you'll get it.
Best wishes
Dawn
Saturday, 3 April 2010
The best piece of advice I ever heard....
I can't claim it was given to me directly. I read it one weekend morning in my favourite local cafe, Zoran's in St Margarets, while lazing over the Sunday newspapers. It was an interview with computer scientist, Randy Pausch who, after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September 2006, went on to wow a 500-strong audience at Carnegie Mellon Hall with what was called The Last Lecture just a year later. The theme of the talk was Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams. In it, Randy went on to impart all the wisdom he had accumulated about life, from the unique perspective of staring death in the face every day. On a personal note, the lecture was, he said, advice he wanted to pass on to his three young children, who he knew he would never get to see grow up.
There are many of pearls of wisdom in Randy's talk, some of which I've listed at the bottom of this blog. But the one piece of advice that stood out for me was something he wanted to pass on to his daughter, on the subject of dating men. Randy said: "When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."
That's stuck with me over the past couple of years and has certainly changed the way I perceive the whole dating experience. And if you want to do a quick litmus test of whether that man you're interested in really feels the same way, then it's certainly an eye opener! But, the bottom line is, isn't that advice just as applicable to women as it is to men, in fact to human beings as a whole? Aren't we all sometimes guilty of saying something we don't mean and promising something we may never deliver on? Some of us just do it more frequently than others.
Words are easy, they can fly off the tongue with little effort, all those promises and good intentions. But just because you say it is, doesn't make it so.
Now, I can't control what people in my life say and do. But it's true - it's the things they do or don't do that make an impression, rather than the things they say. I won't stamp my feet and demand someone do what they're say they're going to do. But I will think twice about believing that person again.
In other words, don't give empty promises and then be shocked, hurt and angry when people give up believing you are a man or a woman of your word.
Being a man or a woman of our word... it actually feels good. To say you'll do something and always, always deliver on that. To underpromise and overdeliver, isn't that far better than the other way round?
Randy died in July 2008. In his last year he went on to realise many of his childhood dreams, and also campaigned to raise awareness of pancreatic cancer - a man clearly not just of words, but of action too.
Best wishes
Dawn
Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture:
"The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. "
"Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress. When you're pissed off at someone and you're angry at them, you just haven't given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they almost always will impress you."
"If I could only give three words of advice, they would be, "Tell the Truth." If I got three more words, I'd add, "All the time."
There are many of pearls of wisdom in Randy's talk, some of which I've listed at the bottom of this blog. But the one piece of advice that stood out for me was something he wanted to pass on to his daughter, on the subject of dating men. Randy said: "When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."
That's stuck with me over the past couple of years and has certainly changed the way I perceive the whole dating experience. And if you want to do a quick litmus test of whether that man you're interested in really feels the same way, then it's certainly an eye opener! But, the bottom line is, isn't that advice just as applicable to women as it is to men, in fact to human beings as a whole? Aren't we all sometimes guilty of saying something we don't mean and promising something we may never deliver on? Some of us just do it more frequently than others.
Words are easy, they can fly off the tongue with little effort, all those promises and good intentions. But just because you say it is, doesn't make it so.
Now, I can't control what people in my life say and do. But it's true - it's the things they do or don't do that make an impression, rather than the things they say. I won't stamp my feet and demand someone do what they're say they're going to do. But I will think twice about believing that person again.
In other words, don't give empty promises and then be shocked, hurt and angry when people give up believing you are a man or a woman of your word.
Being a man or a woman of our word... it actually feels good. To say you'll do something and always, always deliver on that. To underpromise and overdeliver, isn't that far better than the other way round?
Randy died in July 2008. In his last year he went on to realise many of his childhood dreams, and also campaigned to raise awareness of pancreatic cancer - a man clearly not just of words, but of action too.
Best wishes
Dawn
Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture:
"The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. "
"Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress. When you're pissed off at someone and you're angry at them, you just haven't given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they almost always will impress you."
"If I could only give three words of advice, they would be, "Tell the Truth." If I got three more words, I'd add, "All the time."
Monday, 15 March 2010
Heart as a rudder, faith as a compass...
I'm not a sailor. The last time I tried to pretend I was, I almost crashed a friend's boat on the rocks of Alcatraz in San Francisco bay.
Sailor or not though, for the past two months I have been gripped by the day-to-day experiences of professional sailor and artist, 29-year old Lia Ditton, as she competes in what's known as the "toughest rowing race on earth". Otherwise known as the Woodvale Challenge - the race means rowing 2500 Nautical miles (or 2,876 land miles) from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to Antigua in the Caribbean. Lia and her rowing partner, 44 year-old Mick Birchall, a Detective Inspector with the Cambridgeshire Police, have been rowing alternate two-hour periods for 12 hours a day for the past 70 days. They have just 127 miles to row - maybe four or five more days of rowing - and if you go to the Atlantic Rowing Race website you can track their progress and hopefully see Dream Maker cross the finish line very very soon.
This week is most certainly their hardest. They've run out of sunscreen, toilet paper and are about to run out of food. The title of one of Lia's blogs says it all. The nearer you get, the longer it takes!
Lia's daily blog (http://www.oarsomechallenge.co.uk/) has been a fascinating insight into the highs and lows of the race. The challenge as much a psychological one as a physical one and how navigating the sometimes stormy seas of a friendship with her rowing partner, has been almost as tricky as navigating her way to shore.
As a coach, most of what I talk about with clients is setting and achieving goals. Lia's goal, however, puts a lot in perspective. Rowing across the Atlantic must surely be up there as an all-time biggie.
In Lia's own words,"Over the past 2 months, I’ve had 620 hours of thinking time! Who has such a luxury? So what have I learned during all that time at the open university? Good question ... the experience did leave its mark. Most importantly the Vipashna mantra stuck. ‘Patience and Persistence and you are BOUND to be successful."
And that's what achieving something - be it a big or small goal - really does boil down to. Patience and persistence. You put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal - - or in Lia's case, one oar -and if you just keep going you eventually get there.
That's it in very simplistic terms. There's a starting point, there's a finish line. It's how you manage the distance in between that counts.
Lia's family and friends must be incredibly proud of her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they stay strong. Come on Dream Maker!
Dawn
Sailor or not though, for the past two months I have been gripped by the day-to-day experiences of professional sailor and artist, 29-year old Lia Ditton, as she competes in what's known as the "toughest rowing race on earth". Otherwise known as the Woodvale Challenge - the race means rowing 2500 Nautical miles (or 2,876 land miles) from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to Antigua in the Caribbean. Lia and her rowing partner, 44 year-old Mick Birchall, a Detective Inspector with the Cambridgeshire Police, have been rowing alternate two-hour periods for 12 hours a day for the past 70 days. They have just 127 miles to row - maybe four or five more days of rowing - and if you go to the Atlantic Rowing Race website you can track their progress and hopefully see Dream Maker cross the finish line very very soon.
This week is most certainly their hardest. They've run out of sunscreen, toilet paper and are about to run out of food. The title of one of Lia's blogs says it all. The nearer you get, the longer it takes!
Lia's daily blog (http://www.oarsomechallenge.co.uk/) has been a fascinating insight into the highs and lows of the race. The challenge as much a psychological one as a physical one and how navigating the sometimes stormy seas of a friendship with her rowing partner, has been almost as tricky as navigating her way to shore.
As a coach, most of what I talk about with clients is setting and achieving goals. Lia's goal, however, puts a lot in perspective. Rowing across the Atlantic must surely be up there as an all-time biggie.
In Lia's own words,"Over the past 2 months, I’ve had 620 hours of thinking time! Who has such a luxury? So what have I learned during all that time at the open university? Good question ... the experience did leave its mark. Most importantly the Vipashna mantra stuck. ‘Patience and Persistence and you are BOUND to be successful."
And that's what achieving something - be it a big or small goal - really does boil down to. Patience and persistence. You put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal - - or in Lia's case, one oar -and if you just keep going you eventually get there.
That's it in very simplistic terms. There's a starting point, there's a finish line. It's how you manage the distance in between that counts.
Lia's family and friends must be incredibly proud of her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they stay strong. Come on Dream Maker!
Dawn
Monday, 7 December 2009
Why Imperfect is Just Fine...
How often have you set yourself a goal - started off blazing, all systems go, only to find a few days, weeks or months into it, the enthusiasm wanes, sputters and finally dies?
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Friday, 20 November 2009
A Week in Twitterville
(Or: everything I know about Twitter I’ve learnt by mistake)
Twitter is another country. It’s a country where everyone is on 24-7. And you’re the newbie immigrant, fresh off the boat. You’ve stumbled on a land where everyone seems to know what they’re doing, everyone has a language you can’t quite understand, there appear to be rules but heaven knows what they are. And boy, it’s noisy, isn’t it? So you blunder around, you mess up, you make a fool of yourself (or was that only me?).
At the time of writing this blog, I have only slightly more than 150 followers and 79 tweets so I am a bare dot on the huge intangible mass that is Twitter. In other words I am not a social networking ingénue. But I am human. So, these are not Twitter rules by any stretch of the imagination. This is my own personal Twitter survival guide pulled together after emerging blinking from a week of total Twitter immersion. I hope you don’t mind if I share. If they make sense to you use them, share them (retweet them! Get me, picking up the lingo already).
Yesterday I had to give myself a good talking to. It went something like this:
1. You have nothing to prove. No, really. You may one day even have 5,000 followers. But they won’t be hanging on to every word you say. They really won’t. Unless you’re Barack Obama, and last time I looked, you weren’t.
2. The world will go on turning if you don’t tweet for a day or two. So go on relax, prise your fingers from the keyboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.
3. Remember the old days when you came across something interesting, you’d want to share it with your friends and family? How often would that happen – once a day? Two or three times a week? So all of a sudden you’re sharing everything you do from the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed? Why? Oh yes, because you can. Can doesn’t mean should.
4. Twitter is not your confidante. It’s not your best friend. Twitter is a stranger you’ve just met at a cocktail party or business function. Remember that.
5. Only tweet when you feel moved to not because you feel you must. You don’t have to be the most articulate, the most intelligent, the funniest, the most resourceful, insightful, the coolest... you just have to be you.
6. You have a real life. Remember those things attached to your body? They’re called legs. Use them, move them around a bit. Feels good, doesn’t it? Get outside. Speak to real people – you know the ones you can actually physically see. With your eyes.
7. Oh yes, performance anxiety. Just because you have people following you, you don’t have to be perfect. See Rule 1 and 5. Go ahead and get it wrong sometimes, look stupid. Laugh at yourself.
8. It’s not a competition... unless you want your epitaph to be “This woman/man was amazing on Twitter.” Ignore the follower count.
9. Twitter is not for the paranoid – if you are even slightly paranoid, you will become more so. That person who unfollows you, the deafening silence you get when you tweet something you thought was really really hilarious... all that will serve to convince you, you are the outcast at the party, so that’s why I needed rule number 10:
10. Have a Twitter Strategy – okay for the first week or so, you might get so immersed in Twitter you lose all sense of reason (your house doesn’t get cleaned, the kids don’t get fed). But once you wake from it, in my case with a bewildered look on my face (something I like to call my Twitterface), a strategy looks like a sure thing. Decide what you want to use Twitter for – business, social, a mixture of both - and then stick to it.
11. More importantly - have a Twitter Antidote. Twitter can get noisy and exhausting and overwhelming. Do something else. You were you before Twitter happened, you still are. Though perhaps slightly more dishevelled. Would it hurt you to brush your hair once in a while?
12. Tune out the noise. Personally I think it’s only good manners if someone follows you for you to follow them right back. They’re extending their hand in greeting. You wouldn’t refuse to shake someone’s hand in real life – why do it on Twitter? But your Twitter world is going to get real noisy real soon. Enter Tony Mack @TonyMackGD who put aside his own incredulity at my ignorance to kindly tell me how to use Tweetdeck to create my own lists. Thank you Tony!
13. You’re not missing anything important if you don’t read every tweet. If it’s that important it will be on the news.
14. Lighten up. Being sociable all the time is hard work, and more so if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It may feel like another country, but wherever you go, there you will be... even on Twitter.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Twitter is another country. It’s a country where everyone is on 24-7. And you’re the newbie immigrant, fresh off the boat. You’ve stumbled on a land where everyone seems to know what they’re doing, everyone has a language you can’t quite understand, there appear to be rules but heaven knows what they are. And boy, it’s noisy, isn’t it? So you blunder around, you mess up, you make a fool of yourself (or was that only me?).
At the time of writing this blog, I have only slightly more than 150 followers and 79 tweets so I am a bare dot on the huge intangible mass that is Twitter. In other words I am not a social networking ingénue. But I am human. So, these are not Twitter rules by any stretch of the imagination. This is my own personal Twitter survival guide pulled together after emerging blinking from a week of total Twitter immersion. I hope you don’t mind if I share. If they make sense to you use them, share them (retweet them! Get me, picking up the lingo already).
Yesterday I had to give myself a good talking to. It went something like this:
1. You have nothing to prove. No, really. You may one day even have 5,000 followers. But they won’t be hanging on to every word you say. They really won’t. Unless you’re Barack Obama, and last time I looked, you weren’t.
2. The world will go on turning if you don’t tweet for a day or two. So go on relax, prise your fingers from the keyboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.
3. Remember the old days when you came across something interesting, you’d want to share it with your friends and family? How often would that happen – once a day? Two or three times a week? So all of a sudden you’re sharing everything you do from the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed? Why? Oh yes, because you can. Can doesn’t mean should.
4. Twitter is not your confidante. It’s not your best friend. Twitter is a stranger you’ve just met at a cocktail party or business function. Remember that.
5. Only tweet when you feel moved to not because you feel you must. You don’t have to be the most articulate, the most intelligent, the funniest, the most resourceful, insightful, the coolest... you just have to be you.
6. You have a real life. Remember those things attached to your body? They’re called legs. Use them, move them around a bit. Feels good, doesn’t it? Get outside. Speak to real people – you know the ones you can actually physically see. With your eyes.
7. Oh yes, performance anxiety. Just because you have people following you, you don’t have to be perfect. See Rule 1 and 5. Go ahead and get it wrong sometimes, look stupid. Laugh at yourself.
8. It’s not a competition... unless you want your epitaph to be “This woman/man was amazing on Twitter.” Ignore the follower count.
9. Twitter is not for the paranoid – if you are even slightly paranoid, you will become more so. That person who unfollows you, the deafening silence you get when you tweet something you thought was really really hilarious... all that will serve to convince you, you are the outcast at the party, so that’s why I needed rule number 10:
10. Have a Twitter Strategy – okay for the first week or so, you might get so immersed in Twitter you lose all sense of reason (your house doesn’t get cleaned, the kids don’t get fed). But once you wake from it, in my case with a bewildered look on my face (something I like to call my Twitterface), a strategy looks like a sure thing. Decide what you want to use Twitter for – business, social, a mixture of both - and then stick to it.
11. More importantly - have a Twitter Antidote. Twitter can get noisy and exhausting and overwhelming. Do something else. You were you before Twitter happened, you still are. Though perhaps slightly more dishevelled. Would it hurt you to brush your hair once in a while?
12. Tune out the noise. Personally I think it’s only good manners if someone follows you for you to follow them right back. They’re extending their hand in greeting. You wouldn’t refuse to shake someone’s hand in real life – why do it on Twitter? But your Twitter world is going to get real noisy real soon. Enter Tony Mack @TonyMackGD who put aside his own incredulity at my ignorance to kindly tell me how to use Tweetdeck to create my own lists. Thank you Tony!
13. You’re not missing anything important if you don’t read every tweet. If it’s that important it will be on the news.
14. Lighten up. Being sociable all the time is hard work, and more so if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It may feel like another country, but wherever you go, there you will be... even on Twitter.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Sunday, 15 November 2009
You're a What?
If I had a pound for every time someone asked me what a business coach is... well, there's a beach in Bali that has my name on it.
I've experimented with several different ways of explaining what I do. And I'm not alone in Coach World. Trying to define the term life or business coach takes up a hefty chunk of Coach Training 101.
The one I'm currently going with (and it does change) is: well, you know how a personal trainer helps get your body in shape? A business coach is a personal trainer for your business, getting your business into the shape you want it to be, trimming the fat, building some muscle, strengthening the backbone.
Defining your product or your services to your customer can be tricky if what you do is something completely new and, as a result, foreign.
So I liked this article and video tweeted by @GuyKawasaki on a technique called Anchor and Twist
Hope you find it useful!
Dawn
I've experimented with several different ways of explaining what I do. And I'm not alone in Coach World. Trying to define the term life or business coach takes up a hefty chunk of Coach Training 101.
The one I'm currently going with (and it does change) is: well, you know how a personal trainer helps get your body in shape? A business coach is a personal trainer for your business, getting your business into the shape you want it to be, trimming the fat, building some muscle, strengthening the backbone.
Defining your product or your services to your customer can be tricky if what you do is something completely new and, as a result, foreign.
So I liked this article and video tweeted by @GuyKawasaki on a technique called Anchor and Twist
Hope you find it useful!
Dawn
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