When we set ourselves goals, they often tend to be the big ones - you know, run a marathon, write a novel, set up a business. Big goals, big plans, intensive strategies. We set off, all engines blazing, full of enthusiasm, a to-do list as long as our arm typed and copied to the laptop, mobile phone, PDA (and possibly taped to the fridge) and we've made sure we've told our closest friends as well so they know we're serious, we mean business.
And then somewhere along the line, the enthusiasm cools. Usually after the first month or so it all starts to feel like hard work. You hit a stumbling block, and another, and then another and your goals and dreams starts to look a bit too... ambitious. Or even just plain stupid?
There are two things I usually do with clients who've hit that wall, when they're just so overwhelmed by how much they perceive they have to do that they become paralysed and stuck.
The first is to to tap into the feelings they had when they first imagined their goal/dream/game plan. When I say "tap into" I mean to experience the feeling fully - emotionally, mentally and physically. When we feel excited, we don't just experience it in our brains - we feel it in our bodies. Our heart beats a little faster, our blood pumps around our body quicker, we feel pumped up as the adrenaline reaches the parts of ourselves other hormones just don't reach.
Sometimes just taking a minute to recreate the feelings of excitement about a new goal can be enough to kickstart you into action, to overcome the paralysis and get moving again.
The other technique I use is something I call "Just for today"... It's about breaking your big goals down into something very small and manageable. Just as horses are blinkered as they're led to the starting line so they're not frightened by the other horses and the course in front of them, this is a method of narrowing your vision to the next 24 hours.
So, make a list. Just for today I am going to take my vitamins. Just for today I am going to eat 5 pieces of fruit and vegetables. Just for today I am going to spend two hours on my presentation. Just for today I am going to set aside an hour to do my accounts.
Forget about tomorrow and the next day and the week and month ahead. Action takes part in the present. Conversely, the mistakes of tomorrow generally have root in something we did or didn't do today. Generally, small goals we set ourselves to accomplish in the day are achievable, they're realistic and specific - and the chances of achieving them are high.
When we achieve these small goals there's a positive feedback loop - we feel good about ourselves and that "feel good factor" triggers momentum, we feel a bit more enthusiastic and energetic about getting on with our stuff.
Repeat the "just for today" exercise every day until the feeling of being overwhelmed gets squashed and you start to feel more comfortable looking at longer-range goals. It's another trick you can pull out of your bag when you start to feel you're losing sight of what's important to you.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Friday, 28 September 2012
Monday, 28 February 2011
The Last Chocolate on Earth
There you have it. Sitting there on the table in front of you. The last chocolate on earth. A rare disease has wiped out the cocoa plant, there's been panic buying of chocolate the world over, shelves are empty. And you, you own the very last chocolate on earth. And you're just about to eat it.
Now given it is the last chocolate on earth, the question is not if you're going to eat it, it's how are you going to eat it? Are you going to whoof it down, texting with one hand, flicking through a magazine with the other, barely registering that it's passed your lips, is now in your mouth, now swallowed. Gone forever. Or are you going to savour every moment, the taste, the texture, the smell, the emotions it induces, the sugar rush, the endorphin high? Will you allow your senses to revel and luxuriate in this amazing thing that is chocolate or are you going to let the opportunity pass you by, your mind too distracted to fully appreciate that after your last swallow, chocolate is history.
Why I'm hypothesising about the extinction of chocolate will be made clear in just a moment. Because how we eat has a lot to do with our weight, much more than we realise. It's arguably as important as what we eat.
If you're trying to lose weight, you'll no doubt be very conscious of cutting out so-called "bad foods". That means avoiding sugary snacks and fatty foods and sticking to a low-fat, low-sugar diet. But the reason so many diets fail is because we create that list of forbidden food in the first place. We're human. And that means, generally speaking, if something is forbidden we want it even more.
But just look at the dietary make-up of an average block of milk chocolate. One square has 27 calories and 1.5 grams of fat. One row has 132 calories and 7.5 grams of fat. Neither of those are going to do too much damage to your diet. However, if you're going to eat the whole block - that's 1,320 calories and 75 grams of fat. Now that's diet-busting stuff.
So, if the key to a successful weight-loss programme means eating healthily, cutting down on fat and sugar and allowing ourselves little treats here and there, how do we draw the line under what starts out as a little treat and ends up as a major chocolate blow-out? Well, let's go back to how we eat.
If you eat without really tasting or appreciating your food, you are robbing your senses of real and necessary pleasure. Your stomach may be full but your senses are starving. So you'll keep on eating. You won't stop at just that one square of chocolate, you'll keep going until it's all gone. And even then you won't feel satisfied. You'll keep eating to fill a black hole without ever realising the black hole exists.
It's not just about eating and losing weight, either. Being fully conscious, with no distractions, whatever you're doing, gives your senses a chance to be fully satisfied, to feel fully alive.
So - some tips to help you fully appreciate your food if you're currently trying to lose weight and struggling:
1. Sit down to eat.
2. Don't have any other distractions - don't watch TV, read a newspaper, talk on the phone, work at your computer.
3. Eat slowly. If you eat a sandwich in 3 minutes flat you won't give your brain a chance to register whether you're full or not. Give your body and your brain time to catch up with your mouth!
4. Fully taste and experience the texture and sensation of every bite of your food.
5. If you're going to eat chocolate, enjoy it!
Best wishes,
Dawn
Now given it is the last chocolate on earth, the question is not if you're going to eat it, it's how are you going to eat it? Are you going to whoof it down, texting with one hand, flicking through a magazine with the other, barely registering that it's passed your lips, is now in your mouth, now swallowed. Gone forever. Or are you going to savour every moment, the taste, the texture, the smell, the emotions it induces, the sugar rush, the endorphin high? Will you allow your senses to revel and luxuriate in this amazing thing that is chocolate or are you going to let the opportunity pass you by, your mind too distracted to fully appreciate that after your last swallow, chocolate is history.
Why I'm hypothesising about the extinction of chocolate will be made clear in just a moment. Because how we eat has a lot to do with our weight, much more than we realise. It's arguably as important as what we eat.
If you're trying to lose weight, you'll no doubt be very conscious of cutting out so-called "bad foods". That means avoiding sugary snacks and fatty foods and sticking to a low-fat, low-sugar diet. But the reason so many diets fail is because we create that list of forbidden food in the first place. We're human. And that means, generally speaking, if something is forbidden we want it even more.
But just look at the dietary make-up of an average block of milk chocolate. One square has 27 calories and 1.5 grams of fat. One row has 132 calories and 7.5 grams of fat. Neither of those are going to do too much damage to your diet. However, if you're going to eat the whole block - that's 1,320 calories and 75 grams of fat. Now that's diet-busting stuff.
So, if the key to a successful weight-loss programme means eating healthily, cutting down on fat and sugar and allowing ourselves little treats here and there, how do we draw the line under what starts out as a little treat and ends up as a major chocolate blow-out? Well, let's go back to how we eat.
If you eat without really tasting or appreciating your food, you are robbing your senses of real and necessary pleasure. Your stomach may be full but your senses are starving. So you'll keep on eating. You won't stop at just that one square of chocolate, you'll keep going until it's all gone. And even then you won't feel satisfied. You'll keep eating to fill a black hole without ever realising the black hole exists.
It's not just about eating and losing weight, either. Being fully conscious, with no distractions, whatever you're doing, gives your senses a chance to be fully satisfied, to feel fully alive.
So - some tips to help you fully appreciate your food if you're currently trying to lose weight and struggling:
1. Sit down to eat.
2. Don't have any other distractions - don't watch TV, read a newspaper, talk on the phone, work at your computer.
3. Eat slowly. If you eat a sandwich in 3 minutes flat you won't give your brain a chance to register whether you're full or not. Give your body and your brain time to catch up with your mouth!
4. Fully taste and experience the texture and sensation of every bite of your food.
5. If you're going to eat chocolate, enjoy it!
Best wishes,
Dawn
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Sticking to those New Year's Resolutions
It's that time of year again - the prospect of a New Year, a blank sheet to be better, do better - gets us making our list of resolutions. But how many times have we set off purposefully and diligently, determined to stick to that list this time.. only to see all resolve disappear come March (or earlier). How many of us are actually too scared to make a New Year's resolution in case we fail? Or is that just me?
Well, this year, I invite you to forget making New Year’s Resolutions once a year. Try making them every day.
The road to achieving your New Year’s Resolutions is marked out in days. So, you want to lose 10 pounds in two months? That’s roughly 60 days of eating fewer calories than you burn. Want to get out of debt in six months? That’s 180 days of spending less than you earn and putting that money towards paying off your debts. Need to generate more clients and income in the next month? That's 30 days of generating leads, working on your marketing and building your network.
But forget for a moment how many days you have to reach your goal. In reality, all you need to focus on is one day. Today.
Tomorrow’s successes or failures all depend on what you do today. When tomorrow comes it will simply be another “today”. So, it’s what you do today that counts. And, for that matter, it’s also what you don’t do.
Let's take an example. One of the most common New Year’s Resolutions is to lose weight. The only way to lose weight healthily is to eat fewer calories than you burn off. Or burn more calories than you eat. So if this is your goal, the only way you’re going to achieve it is by eating less, moving more or a mixture of the two.
Many of our goals are long-term. The results we want to achieve are a month or more down the line. Keeping momentum and motivation high can be a real challenge. So, using the example above, think about shifting the way you look at what you want to achieve. Rather than your goal being to lose ten pounds in two months, shift your thinking to the present: Today I want to healthily eat fewer calories than I burn. Today I want to spend 15 minutes doing some exercise.
It's easier to narrow your thinking to the next 24 hours than it is to consider the next three or more months. Being narrow-minded can sometimes be a good thing! When tomorrow comes, start all over again - make your goals anew. String all those todays together, and eventually you reach your goal as a natural and logical consequence of sticking to your daily targets.
So you’ve made your New Year’s Resolutions. Now what? Here’s your 4-step daily action plan to keeping them going:
1. Refresh. Every morning remind yourself of your goal. Make your New Year’s Resolutions all over again, every morning when you wake up. This keeps your momentum and motivation high.
2. Focus. Focus on achieving that goal today. Think only of today. Don’t beat yourself up about the mistakes you made yesterday and don’t overwhelm yourself with the long list of things you have to do tomorrow, next week, next month.
3. Move towards your goal. Make every action today one that moves you towards that goal. If your goal is to lose weight, eating chocolate cake moves you away from your goal. If your goal is to save money, blowing cash on a PS3 or new dress moves you away from that goal. Make a point of asking the question: does this move me towards or away from my goal? Always be moving towards your goal.
4. Reward yourself. Make a list of small rewards: a new book, a lipstick, 30 minutes of “me” time, a bubble bath. Allow yourself a small reward at the end of every day, even if you didn’t meet your daily target. As long as you’re still trying you’re still on the road to achieving your goal and that's worth feeling good about.
In the words of Winston Churchill: Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. In other words, you only ever fail when you give up.
Think of your New Year’s Resolutions as a plant that needs a little watering and TLC every day. If you take care of today, tomorrow takes care of itself.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Well, this year, I invite you to forget making New Year’s Resolutions once a year. Try making them every day.
The road to achieving your New Year’s Resolutions is marked out in days. So, you want to lose 10 pounds in two months? That’s roughly 60 days of eating fewer calories than you burn. Want to get out of debt in six months? That’s 180 days of spending less than you earn and putting that money towards paying off your debts. Need to generate more clients and income in the next month? That's 30 days of generating leads, working on your marketing and building your network.
But forget for a moment how many days you have to reach your goal. In reality, all you need to focus on is one day. Today.
Tomorrow’s successes or failures all depend on what you do today. When tomorrow comes it will simply be another “today”. So, it’s what you do today that counts. And, for that matter, it’s also what you don’t do.
Let's take an example. One of the most common New Year’s Resolutions is to lose weight. The only way to lose weight healthily is to eat fewer calories than you burn off. Or burn more calories than you eat. So if this is your goal, the only way you’re going to achieve it is by eating less, moving more or a mixture of the two.
Many of our goals are long-term. The results we want to achieve are a month or more down the line. Keeping momentum and motivation high can be a real challenge. So, using the example above, think about shifting the way you look at what you want to achieve. Rather than your goal being to lose ten pounds in two months, shift your thinking to the present: Today I want to healthily eat fewer calories than I burn. Today I want to spend 15 minutes doing some exercise.
It's easier to narrow your thinking to the next 24 hours than it is to consider the next three or more months. Being narrow-minded can sometimes be a good thing! When tomorrow comes, start all over again - make your goals anew. String all those todays together, and eventually you reach your goal as a natural and logical consequence of sticking to your daily targets.
So you’ve made your New Year’s Resolutions. Now what? Here’s your 4-step daily action plan to keeping them going:
1. Refresh. Every morning remind yourself of your goal. Make your New Year’s Resolutions all over again, every morning when you wake up. This keeps your momentum and motivation high.
2. Focus. Focus on achieving that goal today. Think only of today. Don’t beat yourself up about the mistakes you made yesterday and don’t overwhelm yourself with the long list of things you have to do tomorrow, next week, next month.
3. Move towards your goal. Make every action today one that moves you towards that goal. If your goal is to lose weight, eating chocolate cake moves you away from your goal. If your goal is to save money, blowing cash on a PS3 or new dress moves you away from that goal. Make a point of asking the question: does this move me towards or away from my goal? Always be moving towards your goal.
4. Reward yourself. Make a list of small rewards: a new book, a lipstick, 30 minutes of “me” time, a bubble bath. Allow yourself a small reward at the end of every day, even if you didn’t meet your daily target. As long as you’re still trying you’re still on the road to achieving your goal and that's worth feeling good about.
In the words of Winston Churchill: Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. In other words, you only ever fail when you give up.
Think of your New Year’s Resolutions as a plant that needs a little watering and TLC every day. If you take care of today, tomorrow takes care of itself.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
We're most scared of what we can't see...
A few days ago I had the real pleasure of talking to the wonderful "Heart Doctor" Cathy Matarazzo and her co-host, intrinsic coach, Warren Wojnowski on their brand new radio show Let's Get Real Radio.
We talked about big versus small change, leaps of faith compared to baby steps and everything in between. We also talked about that old biggie - Fear - and how it can keep us stuck.
Cathy asked me if I still had fears of my own to confront. Well, no sooner had the show finished then I found myself facing a real-life fear up close and personal. Alone in the house at 8pm there was a power cut. The house was plunged into darkness (it gets real dark in the country).
Heart pounding, my immediate thought - silly as this now seems - was that someone was trying to break into the house and had cut the electricity. My response? I froze. Standing on the landing in complete darkness I knew I had to go downstairs and find the flashlight but what kept me stuck was not being able to see. I imagined all kinds of worst case scenarios - mostly involving men in balaclavas jumping out at me. How long did it take to convince myself to move? Maybe about five minutes, but they were five very long, gut-wrenching minutes.
In the comfort of bright daylight here in the relative safety of my office I realise that what that little experience teaches me is that fear is at its strongest when we can't see. When we can't see where to put our feet, where the handholds are, what obstacles we might bump into, whether there's a sheer drop we're just inches from stepping into - we freeze. We stay there in the darkness, feeling better off if only because we're not moving forward.
In real life, not knowing what's on the other side of a major life change or decision is enough to root us to the spot.
Talking to Cathy I was minded to recall the quote that got me moving when I felt the most stuck in my life. It's by Anaïs Nin.
I quote this often for a reason. There comes a point where staying where we are - unhappy, unfulfilled, unappreciated - is more frightening than taking those first steps to a new life, to change, to taking control of our own happiness.
You can hear the whole interview with Cathy here
(Check out Cathy's fantastic laugh. If that isn't enough to put a smile on your face I don't know what is!)
Oh, and by the way, there weren't any men in balaclavas. It wasn't a break in. It was just a power cut. And I did make it down from the landing - eventually.
Best wishes,
Dawn
We talked about big versus small change, leaps of faith compared to baby steps and everything in between. We also talked about that old biggie - Fear - and how it can keep us stuck.
Cathy asked me if I still had fears of my own to confront. Well, no sooner had the show finished then I found myself facing a real-life fear up close and personal. Alone in the house at 8pm there was a power cut. The house was plunged into darkness (it gets real dark in the country).
Heart pounding, my immediate thought - silly as this now seems - was that someone was trying to break into the house and had cut the electricity. My response? I froze. Standing on the landing in complete darkness I knew I had to go downstairs and find the flashlight but what kept me stuck was not being able to see. I imagined all kinds of worst case scenarios - mostly involving men in balaclavas jumping out at me. How long did it take to convince myself to move? Maybe about five minutes, but they were five very long, gut-wrenching minutes.
In the comfort of bright daylight here in the relative safety of my office I realise that what that little experience teaches me is that fear is at its strongest when we can't see. When we can't see where to put our feet, where the handholds are, what obstacles we might bump into, whether there's a sheer drop we're just inches from stepping into - we freeze. We stay there in the darkness, feeling better off if only because we're not moving forward.
In real life, not knowing what's on the other side of a major life change or decision is enough to root us to the spot.
Talking to Cathy I was minded to recall the quote that got me moving when I felt the most stuck in my life. It's by Anaïs Nin.
And the time came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom
I quote this often for a reason. There comes a point where staying where we are - unhappy, unfulfilled, unappreciated - is more frightening than taking those first steps to a new life, to change, to taking control of our own happiness.
You can hear the whole interview with Cathy here
(Check out Cathy's fantastic laugh. If that isn't enough to put a smile on your face I don't know what is!)
Oh, and by the way, there weren't any men in balaclavas. It wasn't a break in. It was just a power cut. And I did make it down from the landing - eventually.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
10 Ways to Change Your Life in an Instant
Contrary to what some might say, change does and can happen overnight. It happens quickly when we experience a deep and profound shift in the way we think. We get to the line we need to cross, step over it and realise we are never going to take the step back again.
While this shift can happen in an instant, it is often as a result of weeks, months, even years of agonising and deliberating over. The most difficult place to be is stuck in the process of making a decision.
With that in mind, here's a set of life-hacking techniques to bring change into your life without the fuss.
1. Change your perception
How we perceive our current situation is our reality. Changing our perception changes our reality. Sounds a bit heavy I know - but what this means is, you can change your life simply by looking at it in a different way. People experience this most dramatically when they have a chance to see their own life in contrast to someone better or worse off. Your problems don't seem like problems compared to a prisoner's or someone with only months to live, for example.
Action Ask yourself: How can I look at this situation differently/more positively/from a different angle? List the ways your perception of the situation might be hindering rather than helping you.
2. Tackle Your Tolerations
Tolerations are all those annoying things we're putting up with: the dripping tap, the pile of filing that's been sitting on the desk for months. The cumulative effect is that they zap energy and leave you feeling irritable and overwhelmed. Hardly a great frame of mind to be in if you want to create change in your life.
Action Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write down everything (and everyone) that is bothering you. Don't edit yourself. Carry on writing until you can't think of anything else. Your goal is now to tackle one thing on that list per week. Get the tap fixed. Do your filing. Cross each item off as you do it. Your goal is to get to ZERO tolerations. How long it takes is up to you.
3. Change what you really think of yourself
How often does the internal critic pop up in your head listing all the ways you don't measure up? We believe everything we tell ourselves - unfortunately it's human nature to focus on our negatives rather than our positives. But how true are our own self-criticisms?
Action Day One- Spend a day taking note of all the times you say (out loud or internally) something negative about yourself. How often do you say things like - I'm so fat, I'm useless at numbers, etc etc? Write these down. Take each one and challenge it. Are you really all those things you say about yourself? Day Two and onwards - every time you catch yourself saying something negative, stop. Swap it for something positive. The goal is to eliminate all negative limiting beliefs from your thoughts.
4. Try something you've never done before
There's nothing like trying something new and different to alter your perspective and get you out of a rut.
Action Make a list of everything you really want to do or try in your life. Choose one thing. Do it. Move on to the next thing. Ask yourself - what is stopping me from doing this? What would it take for me to do this?
5. Find out where A is
To get anywhere different you need to have a clear picture of where you're starting from.
Action Take stock. Do a Life Audit. Assess your relationships, physical health, finances, work and career. Where are you really? What are you in denial about/not facing up to. This is point A - your starting point.
6. Decide where you want B to be
Action Imagine your own idea of a perfect life. Where do you live, what do you do? How often do you go out, what do you like to do in your spare time? Write it down. No need to edit, it's not an exercise in what's realistic. It's pure escapism (for the time being). What would it take you to get from where you are now (point A as defined in 5) to where you want to go - Point B? Be your own Sat Nav.
7. Perform a random act of kindness
It sounds a little twee maybe but it works. My own coach selects a random name from the phone directory every Christmas and sends that person £20 along with a note asking them to accept the gift and enjoy it however they see fit. That might not be to everyone's taste. But psychological research shows giving makes us feel happy and more fulfilled.
Action Find your own way to perform a random act of kindness.
8. Change your routine
We get into a pattern where we accept the routines we've created for ourselves. Don't settle. If you need a quick boost or feel in need of instant change, make a few alterations to your day.
Action Change the time you get up, exercise, what you have for breakfast, your route to work and your means of getting there, what you do for lunch, what you do when you get home and so on. You don't have to change everything. Pick one or two things if that's what feels right. Small changes to your routine can be enough to kick-start you out of the rut.
9. Stop should-ing yourself
Ever caught yourself saying "I should be doing x" or "I really need to do y"? The word should rings alarms bells to coaches as it indicates that a client is doing something that goes against what they really want to do. It does not come from an internal desire or motivation. Someone who says "I really should lose weight" hasn't yet got to the place where they want to lose weight, so any chance of actually sticking to a diet and exercise programme is highly unlikely.
Action List all the times you say should. Catch yourself when you say it. Challenge why you are using the word "should". Do you really want to lose weight, take a job offer, follow a certain career path - or are these someone else's expectations of you. Ask yourself: who am I doing this for? Practise saying no to things you feel you "should do" and focusing on things you are motivated to do.
10. Just say Yes
Do you automatically say no to something - a request, an invitation - without thinking it through? We can get into a pattern of saying no, when if we really thought about it, there's no reason not to say Yes. I'm thinking of my own children and how often they'll come to me to ask me something - along the lines of "Can you read me a story?" or "Can you play with me? And, being busy in the middle of making dinner or sending an email, I usually brush it off with a "Not now, later". What I find, in reality is just 5 minutes of my attention makes all the difference.
Action What are you saying No to when there's no reason not to say Yes?
Good luck with all your changes - big and small!
Best wishes,
Dawn
While this shift can happen in an instant, it is often as a result of weeks, months, even years of agonising and deliberating over. The most difficult place to be is stuck in the process of making a decision.
With that in mind, here's a set of life-hacking techniques to bring change into your life without the fuss.
1. Change your perception
How we perceive our current situation is our reality. Changing our perception changes our reality. Sounds a bit heavy I know - but what this means is, you can change your life simply by looking at it in a different way. People experience this most dramatically when they have a chance to see their own life in contrast to someone better or worse off. Your problems don't seem like problems compared to a prisoner's or someone with only months to live, for example.
Action Ask yourself: How can I look at this situation differently/more positively/from a different angle? List the ways your perception of the situation might be hindering rather than helping you.
2. Tackle Your Tolerations
Tolerations are all those annoying things we're putting up with: the dripping tap, the pile of filing that's been sitting on the desk for months. The cumulative effect is that they zap energy and leave you feeling irritable and overwhelmed. Hardly a great frame of mind to be in if you want to create change in your life.
Action Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write down everything (and everyone) that is bothering you. Don't edit yourself. Carry on writing until you can't think of anything else. Your goal is now to tackle one thing on that list per week. Get the tap fixed. Do your filing. Cross each item off as you do it. Your goal is to get to ZERO tolerations. How long it takes is up to you.
3. Change what you really think of yourself
How often does the internal critic pop up in your head listing all the ways you don't measure up? We believe everything we tell ourselves - unfortunately it's human nature to focus on our negatives rather than our positives. But how true are our own self-criticisms?
Action Day One- Spend a day taking note of all the times you say (out loud or internally) something negative about yourself. How often do you say things like - I'm so fat, I'm useless at numbers, etc etc? Write these down. Take each one and challenge it. Are you really all those things you say about yourself? Day Two and onwards - every time you catch yourself saying something negative, stop. Swap it for something positive. The goal is to eliminate all negative limiting beliefs from your thoughts.
4. Try something you've never done before
There's nothing like trying something new and different to alter your perspective and get you out of a rut.
Action Make a list of everything you really want to do or try in your life. Choose one thing. Do it. Move on to the next thing. Ask yourself - what is stopping me from doing this? What would it take for me to do this?
5. Find out where A is
To get anywhere different you need to have a clear picture of where you're starting from.
Action Take stock. Do a Life Audit. Assess your relationships, physical health, finances, work and career. Where are you really? What are you in denial about/not facing up to. This is point A - your starting point.
6. Decide where you want B to be
Action Imagine your own idea of a perfect life. Where do you live, what do you do? How often do you go out, what do you like to do in your spare time? Write it down. No need to edit, it's not an exercise in what's realistic. It's pure escapism (for the time being). What would it take you to get from where you are now (point A as defined in 5) to where you want to go - Point B? Be your own Sat Nav.
7. Perform a random act of kindness
It sounds a little twee maybe but it works. My own coach selects a random name from the phone directory every Christmas and sends that person £20 along with a note asking them to accept the gift and enjoy it however they see fit. That might not be to everyone's taste. But psychological research shows giving makes us feel happy and more fulfilled.
Action Find your own way to perform a random act of kindness.
8. Change your routine
We get into a pattern where we accept the routines we've created for ourselves. Don't settle. If you need a quick boost or feel in need of instant change, make a few alterations to your day.
Action Change the time you get up, exercise, what you have for breakfast, your route to work and your means of getting there, what you do for lunch, what you do when you get home and so on. You don't have to change everything. Pick one or two things if that's what feels right. Small changes to your routine can be enough to kick-start you out of the rut.
9. Stop should-ing yourself
Ever caught yourself saying "I should be doing x" or "I really need to do y"? The word should rings alarms bells to coaches as it indicates that a client is doing something that goes against what they really want to do. It does not come from an internal desire or motivation. Someone who says "I really should lose weight" hasn't yet got to the place where they want to lose weight, so any chance of actually sticking to a diet and exercise programme is highly unlikely.
Action List all the times you say should. Catch yourself when you say it. Challenge why you are using the word "should". Do you really want to lose weight, take a job offer, follow a certain career path - or are these someone else's expectations of you. Ask yourself: who am I doing this for? Practise saying no to things you feel you "should do" and focusing on things you are motivated to do.
10. Just say Yes
Do you automatically say no to something - a request, an invitation - without thinking it through? We can get into a pattern of saying no, when if we really thought about it, there's no reason not to say Yes. I'm thinking of my own children and how often they'll come to me to ask me something - along the lines of "Can you read me a story?" or "Can you play with me? And, being busy in the middle of making dinner or sending an email, I usually brush it off with a "Not now, later". What I find, in reality is just 5 minutes of my attention makes all the difference.
Action What are you saying No to when there's no reason not to say Yes?
Good luck with all your changes - big and small!
Best wishes,
Dawn
Monday, 17 May 2010
Five lessons I learnt in the swimming pool
Back in February of this year I decided to start swimming. I've never been a great swimmer, actually not even very comfortable in water. On the first attempt I managed two lengths (of a very small pool). My heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest, my legs and arms felt wobbly, the blood in my ears pounded. Slightly disappointing, in other words.
I don't know why I continued over the next few days and weeks. I do remember using the promise of the sauna and steam room as a reward for sticking it out for another five minutes. Just five minutes more. Two lengths became five, five became 10. I remember the day I told family and friends I'd be breaking through the 20-length barrier that day. I did 30.
Okay, I'm sounding like I'm showing off but really I'm just trying to say I'm a rubbish swimmer, so if I can do it anyone can. So, now I swim 50 lengths three or four times a week. And I love it. The calmness of the water, feeling how much stronger my arms and legs are these days, the hypnotic, meditative rhythm of hearing my breathing in my ears as I dip underwater and surface to exhale. I am converted.
By thirty lengths I get into my stride, my mind tunes out and swimming becomes hypnotic. It's in the last 20 laps I like to think I do my best thinking. This morning I started to see how lessons from the swimming pool can be used in real everyday life.
1. Don't limit yourself to rules of your own making
My pool has three blue lines painted on the bottom. They demarcate the lanes. This morning I started off with the pool to myself. No reason to stick to any particular lane then I thought. So, very indulgently, I swam down the middle of the pool, spreading out, feeling very good about myself. Five minutes later I was joined by an elderly woman. We nodded to each other and she got in... right next to me, following the blue line painted on the bottom, even though she also had plenty of pool to spread out in. This forced me up against the side wall. I started to get a bit annoyed. I tried to think of coach-like ways to say "Can you move over?". "Look at all this space, isn't it nice to be able to spread out..?" In the end I decided to just tune the external distraction out and concentrate on my own swimming. But I wondered - why do some people stick to the lines, even when they've got a whole pool to spread out in?
2. Choose the right goal
At one point, buoyed on by my progress, I boasted my ultimate goal would be to swim 100 lengths. When I started regularly swimming 50 lengths I noticed it took me about 25 minutes. I feel great, I've lost weight, toned up and feel healthy. It's 30 minutes of exercise, three times a week. Just what the doctor ordered. I suddenly questioned whether there was any real reason to aim for 100 lengths? Would I feel any better than I do now, or was it just an ego trip? Worse, that would be an hour in the pool which could lead to boredom and fatigue. The 100-length goal suddenly didn't seem so valid after all. So, regularly re-evaluate your goals - if they're still relevant fine, if not, dump them.
3. The more people in the pool, the choppier it gets
It's all very well swimming in an empty pool. The water's calm and peaceful, it's easy to hit your stride. As more people get in though, the water gets choppier, it gets harder to move yourself forward and not be rocked side to side by the "waves", water gets in your eyes and mouth... it's not pleasant. The same could be said to be true of the office, your business dealings, your home life.. the more people involved, the choppier it gets. In the water, you wear goggles, you hold your breath. More important you shut your mouth so as not to swallow the swimming pool.
... wear goggles, hold your breath, shut your mouth. Develop a way to protect yourself when things get rough.
4. Tune in, not out - become aware of yourself
As I mentioned above, after about 30 lengths I get into the zone. My breathing becomes really deep and regular, my arms and legs move smoothly, it becomes almost effortless. I stop thinking about swimming and start feeling the swimming, how good the water feels, how strong my arms and legs are. With the sound of my breathing as a background to my thoughts, I get into a very nice place to think about work, family, stuff that's come up, without any other distractions. When life gets noisy and there are too many distractions, it's sometimes good to block out the bigger picture and focus on the smaller things for a brief period of time.
And lastly,
5. There is a deep end. This is you out of your comfort zone. Tread water
Best wishes,
Dawn
I don't know why I continued over the next few days and weeks. I do remember using the promise of the sauna and steam room as a reward for sticking it out for another five minutes. Just five minutes more. Two lengths became five, five became 10. I remember the day I told family and friends I'd be breaking through the 20-length barrier that day. I did 30.
Okay, I'm sounding like I'm showing off but really I'm just trying to say I'm a rubbish swimmer, so if I can do it anyone can. So, now I swim 50 lengths three or four times a week. And I love it. The calmness of the water, feeling how much stronger my arms and legs are these days, the hypnotic, meditative rhythm of hearing my breathing in my ears as I dip underwater and surface to exhale. I am converted.
By thirty lengths I get into my stride, my mind tunes out and swimming becomes hypnotic. It's in the last 20 laps I like to think I do my best thinking. This morning I started to see how lessons from the swimming pool can be used in real everyday life.
1. Don't limit yourself to rules of your own making
My pool has three blue lines painted on the bottom. They demarcate the lanes. This morning I started off with the pool to myself. No reason to stick to any particular lane then I thought. So, very indulgently, I swam down the middle of the pool, spreading out, feeling very good about myself. Five minutes later I was joined by an elderly woman. We nodded to each other and she got in... right next to me, following the blue line painted on the bottom, even though she also had plenty of pool to spread out in. This forced me up against the side wall. I started to get a bit annoyed. I tried to think of coach-like ways to say "Can you move over?". "Look at all this space, isn't it nice to be able to spread out..?" In the end I decided to just tune the external distraction out and concentrate on my own swimming. But I wondered - why do some people stick to the lines, even when they've got a whole pool to spread out in?
2. Choose the right goal
At one point, buoyed on by my progress, I boasted my ultimate goal would be to swim 100 lengths. When I started regularly swimming 50 lengths I noticed it took me about 25 minutes. I feel great, I've lost weight, toned up and feel healthy. It's 30 minutes of exercise, three times a week. Just what the doctor ordered. I suddenly questioned whether there was any real reason to aim for 100 lengths? Would I feel any better than I do now, or was it just an ego trip? Worse, that would be an hour in the pool which could lead to boredom and fatigue. The 100-length goal suddenly didn't seem so valid after all. So, regularly re-evaluate your goals - if they're still relevant fine, if not, dump them.
3. The more people in the pool, the choppier it gets
It's all very well swimming in an empty pool. The water's calm and peaceful, it's easy to hit your stride. As more people get in though, the water gets choppier, it gets harder to move yourself forward and not be rocked side to side by the "waves", water gets in your eyes and mouth... it's not pleasant. The same could be said to be true of the office, your business dealings, your home life.. the more people involved, the choppier it gets. In the water, you wear goggles, you hold your breath. More important you shut your mouth so as not to swallow the swimming pool.
... wear goggles, hold your breath, shut your mouth. Develop a way to protect yourself when things get rough.
4. Tune in, not out - become aware of yourself
As I mentioned above, after about 30 lengths I get into the zone. My breathing becomes really deep and regular, my arms and legs move smoothly, it becomes almost effortless. I stop thinking about swimming and start feeling the swimming, how good the water feels, how strong my arms and legs are. With the sound of my breathing as a background to my thoughts, I get into a very nice place to think about work, family, stuff that's come up, without any other distractions. When life gets noisy and there are too many distractions, it's sometimes good to block out the bigger picture and focus on the smaller things for a brief period of time.
And lastly,
5. There is a deep end. This is you out of your comfort zone. Tread water
Best wishes,
Dawn
Monday, 15 March 2010
Heart as a rudder, faith as a compass...
I'm not a sailor. The last time I tried to pretend I was, I almost crashed a friend's boat on the rocks of Alcatraz in San Francisco bay.
Sailor or not though, for the past two months I have been gripped by the day-to-day experiences of professional sailor and artist, 29-year old Lia Ditton, as she competes in what's known as the "toughest rowing race on earth". Otherwise known as the Woodvale Challenge - the race means rowing 2500 Nautical miles (or 2,876 land miles) from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to Antigua in the Caribbean. Lia and her rowing partner, 44 year-old Mick Birchall, a Detective Inspector with the Cambridgeshire Police, have been rowing alternate two-hour periods for 12 hours a day for the past 70 days. They have just 127 miles to row - maybe four or five more days of rowing - and if you go to the Atlantic Rowing Race website you can track their progress and hopefully see Dream Maker cross the finish line very very soon.
This week is most certainly their hardest. They've run out of sunscreen, toilet paper and are about to run out of food. The title of one of Lia's blogs says it all. The nearer you get, the longer it takes!
Lia's daily blog (http://www.oarsomechallenge.co.uk/) has been a fascinating insight into the highs and lows of the race. The challenge as much a psychological one as a physical one and how navigating the sometimes stormy seas of a friendship with her rowing partner, has been almost as tricky as navigating her way to shore.
As a coach, most of what I talk about with clients is setting and achieving goals. Lia's goal, however, puts a lot in perspective. Rowing across the Atlantic must surely be up there as an all-time biggie.
In Lia's own words,"Over the past 2 months, I’ve had 620 hours of thinking time! Who has such a luxury? So what have I learned during all that time at the open university? Good question ... the experience did leave its mark. Most importantly the Vipashna mantra stuck. ‘Patience and Persistence and you are BOUND to be successful."
And that's what achieving something - be it a big or small goal - really does boil down to. Patience and persistence. You put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal - - or in Lia's case, one oar -and if you just keep going you eventually get there.
That's it in very simplistic terms. There's a starting point, there's a finish line. It's how you manage the distance in between that counts.
Lia's family and friends must be incredibly proud of her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they stay strong. Come on Dream Maker!
Dawn
Sailor or not though, for the past two months I have been gripped by the day-to-day experiences of professional sailor and artist, 29-year old Lia Ditton, as she competes in what's known as the "toughest rowing race on earth". Otherwise known as the Woodvale Challenge - the race means rowing 2500 Nautical miles (or 2,876 land miles) from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to Antigua in the Caribbean. Lia and her rowing partner, 44 year-old Mick Birchall, a Detective Inspector with the Cambridgeshire Police, have been rowing alternate two-hour periods for 12 hours a day for the past 70 days. They have just 127 miles to row - maybe four or five more days of rowing - and if you go to the Atlantic Rowing Race website you can track their progress and hopefully see Dream Maker cross the finish line very very soon.
This week is most certainly their hardest. They've run out of sunscreen, toilet paper and are about to run out of food. The title of one of Lia's blogs says it all. The nearer you get, the longer it takes!
Lia's daily blog (http://www.oarsomechallenge.co.uk/) has been a fascinating insight into the highs and lows of the race. The challenge as much a psychological one as a physical one and how navigating the sometimes stormy seas of a friendship with her rowing partner, has been almost as tricky as navigating her way to shore.
As a coach, most of what I talk about with clients is setting and achieving goals. Lia's goal, however, puts a lot in perspective. Rowing across the Atlantic must surely be up there as an all-time biggie.
In Lia's own words,"Over the past 2 months, I’ve had 620 hours of thinking time! Who has such a luxury? So what have I learned during all that time at the open university? Good question ... the experience did leave its mark. Most importantly the Vipashna mantra stuck. ‘Patience and Persistence and you are BOUND to be successful."
And that's what achieving something - be it a big or small goal - really does boil down to. Patience and persistence. You put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal - - or in Lia's case, one oar -and if you just keep going you eventually get there.
That's it in very simplistic terms. There's a starting point, there's a finish line. It's how you manage the distance in between that counts.
Lia's family and friends must be incredibly proud of her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they stay strong. Come on Dream Maker!
Dawn
Monday, 7 December 2009
Why Imperfect is Just Fine...
How often have you set yourself a goal - started off blazing, all systems go, only to find a few days, weeks or months into it, the enthusiasm wanes, sputters and finally dies?
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Friday, 30 October 2009
Fear Busting
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. It’s a quote we’ve probably heard so often we might have become jaded about its real meaning. The words were spoken famously by Winston Churchill, but also by the American President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, during his first inaugural address in 1933. At the time America, and the world, were going through The Great Depression. Much like today, people were losing their homes, their jobs. Hope and optimism were at an all-time low. The full sentence was:
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In short, what FDR was saying was, while things might well be really bad right now, if we give in to fear, become paralysed by pessimism and doubt and do nothing to get ourselves back on our feet, then things can and will get a whole lot worse. No matter how frightened you are, take action. Sometimes doing one small thing that moves you in the direction of your goal can kick-start an upward spiral away from feeling that fear and doubt.
Five tips to get yourself unspooked
It's part of the journey
Fear is part and parcel of the journey, the same way service stations are part of the motorway. Expect it. In fact expect fear to raise its ugly head every 10 miles or so. Stop a while if you have to, but ultimately get back in the car and keep on going. Your destination is not a service station.
Call it what it is
Get into the habit of recognising when you feel fear. We've got so good at deceiving ourselves we often deny we're feeling anxious or nervous about a task or project, meeting or appointment. But if you find yourself putting something off time and again or if you're procrastinating more than usual, take a long hard look at what's going on. Label it "fear" and question what the fear is about. Ask yourself: Why am I so afraid of doing this? The answers can be enlightening.
It's like Halloween
The thought occured to me as I watched my kids try on their Halloween costumes, that a lot of what we fear is very much like a Halloween costume - strip away the fake blood, the skeleton outfit and grotty fake teeth and it's just a harmless three-year old with a very sweet tooth underneath. How much of what we fear is as terrifying as it at first appears? Fear can trick you into thinking the very worst thing that can happen ...will happen.
Which is why I get my clients to imagine their...
Worst-Case Scenario
What's the very worst thing you can imagine happening as you try to achieve your goal? Now think through how you would handle it? You'd handle it, right?
How have you handled problems in the past? However you handled them, recognise that you got over, through, past and beyond them.
Trust you have what it takes to get yourself out of the worst predicament. The world will not end, the sky won't fall down.
Here and Now
Fear is paralysing. The fear of putting a step wrong can be enough to stop us in our tracks. But fear is usually all about what might happen in the future, not about what might happen right now. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by pessimism and terrifying thoughts of what might happen, bring yourself back to the moment. What can you do today to move you in the direction of your goal? Forget tomorrow, next week, three months from now. Focus on the present. It might be a small thing, it might be a small part of a bigger task. But breaking your big chunk of worry down into smaller bite-size pieces helps reduce that scary feeling.
Even the smallest dot of optimism when coupled with action can be enough to keep fear in its place and stop it stopping you in your tracks.
Best wishes,
Dawn
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In short, what FDR was saying was, while things might well be really bad right now, if we give in to fear, become paralysed by pessimism and doubt and do nothing to get ourselves back on our feet, then things can and will get a whole lot worse. No matter how frightened you are, take action. Sometimes doing one small thing that moves you in the direction of your goal can kick-start an upward spiral away from feeling that fear and doubt.
Five tips to get yourself unspooked
It's part of the journey
Fear is part and parcel of the journey, the same way service stations are part of the motorway. Expect it. In fact expect fear to raise its ugly head every 10 miles or so. Stop a while if you have to, but ultimately get back in the car and keep on going. Your destination is not a service station.
Call it what it is
Get into the habit of recognising when you feel fear. We've got so good at deceiving ourselves we often deny we're feeling anxious or nervous about a task or project, meeting or appointment. But if you find yourself putting something off time and again or if you're procrastinating more than usual, take a long hard look at what's going on. Label it "fear" and question what the fear is about. Ask yourself: Why am I so afraid of doing this? The answers can be enlightening.
It's like Halloween
The thought occured to me as I watched my kids try on their Halloween costumes, that a lot of what we fear is very much like a Halloween costume - strip away the fake blood, the skeleton outfit and grotty fake teeth and it's just a harmless three-year old with a very sweet tooth underneath. How much of what we fear is as terrifying as it at first appears? Fear can trick you into thinking the very worst thing that can happen ...will happen.
Which is why I get my clients to imagine their...
Worst-Case Scenario
What's the very worst thing you can imagine happening as you try to achieve your goal? Now think through how you would handle it? You'd handle it, right?
How have you handled problems in the past? However you handled them, recognise that you got over, through, past and beyond them.
Trust you have what it takes to get yourself out of the worst predicament. The world will not end, the sky won't fall down.
Here and Now
Fear is paralysing. The fear of putting a step wrong can be enough to stop us in our tracks. But fear is usually all about what might happen in the future, not about what might happen right now. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by pessimism and terrifying thoughts of what might happen, bring yourself back to the moment. What can you do today to move you in the direction of your goal? Forget tomorrow, next week, three months from now. Focus on the present. It might be a small thing, it might be a small part of a bigger task. But breaking your big chunk of worry down into smaller bite-size pieces helps reduce that scary feeling.
Even the smallest dot of optimism when coupled with action can be enough to keep fear in its place and stop it stopping you in your tracks.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Eyes on the Prize
Trying your vision on for size
Ever tried on a new suit or dress and something about it made you stand just that little bit taller, hold your head a bit higher, push your shoulders back just that much further? Something about the look and feel of it and how it made you look and feel when you turned to the mirror, well, it might have even made you walk differently. Perhaps you even, dare I say it... strutted?
Imagine now then that your vision is that suit. Whatever your vision is, whether it's signing up your first client for your start-up business, crossing the finishing line of the marathon, or getting into a smaller dress size, you need to both see and feel it.
Ask any athlete and their coach and they'll tell you that visualisation is as important a part of training as running any distance, or jumping any height or kicking any ball.
In the case of, say, a golfer - he will see himself swing the club in the optimum arc to the correct height and then back to the ball which he will then see himself hit at the correct angle, with the right amount of force and follow-through. The act of visualising it involves more than just playing it like a video in his head. While he visualises the movement, his brain is sending messages to his arms, his legs, his knees (whichever part of his body will be involved in the swing) about their correct alignment and position. It's not magic, it's a dress rehearsal. By the time he comes out to the green he's been through the golf swing so many times in his mind, his body is primed to perform the swing just as he visualised it.
Visualisation is not just for athletes. Anyone can apply this visualisation technique to just about anything.
So let's take the example of dropping a dress size. You want to lose 5lbs in 6 weeks. Visualise you - you reaching that goal. How will you look? More importantly, how will you feel? Imagine your body already 5lbs lighter. Act as if you've already achieved it. How do you feel about yourself? Proud, happy, excited... record those feelings and mentally tag them to the goal of losing 5lbs in 6 weeks.
Whenever you feel tempted to cheat on your diet/exercise programme, stop - remember your goal and those happy, proud and excited feelings. Make those feelings as tangible as that suit I described earlier. Which feels better - sticking to your programme or eating that donut?
Experiment a little to find out what works for you - some people find a visualisation exercise once a week is perfect, for others, five minutes of visualising achieving their goal every day keeps them on track.
Ever tried on a new suit or dress and something about it made you stand just that little bit taller, hold your head a bit higher, push your shoulders back just that much further? Something about the look and feel of it and how it made you look and feel when you turned to the mirror, well, it might have even made you walk differently. Perhaps you even, dare I say it... strutted?
Imagine now then that your vision is that suit. Whatever your vision is, whether it's signing up your first client for your start-up business, crossing the finishing line of the marathon, or getting into a smaller dress size, you need to both see and feel it.
Ask any athlete and their coach and they'll tell you that visualisation is as important a part of training as running any distance, or jumping any height or kicking any ball.
In the case of, say, a golfer - he will see himself swing the club in the optimum arc to the correct height and then back to the ball which he will then see himself hit at the correct angle, with the right amount of force and follow-through. The act of visualising it involves more than just playing it like a video in his head. While he visualises the movement, his brain is sending messages to his arms, his legs, his knees (whichever part of his body will be involved in the swing) about their correct alignment and position. It's not magic, it's a dress rehearsal. By the time he comes out to the green he's been through the golf swing so many times in his mind, his body is primed to perform the swing just as he visualised it.
Visualisation is not just for athletes. Anyone can apply this visualisation technique to just about anything.
So let's take the example of dropping a dress size. You want to lose 5lbs in 6 weeks. Visualise you - you reaching that goal. How will you look? More importantly, how will you feel? Imagine your body already 5lbs lighter. Act as if you've already achieved it. How do you feel about yourself? Proud, happy, excited... record those feelings and mentally tag them to the goal of losing 5lbs in 6 weeks.
Whenever you feel tempted to cheat on your diet/exercise programme, stop - remember your goal and those happy, proud and excited feelings. Make those feelings as tangible as that suit I described earlier. Which feels better - sticking to your programme or eating that donut?
Experiment a little to find out what works for you - some people find a visualisation exercise once a week is perfect, for others, five minutes of visualising achieving their goal every day keeps them on track.
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