I'm not a sailor. The last time I tried to pretend I was, I almost crashed a friend's boat on the rocks of Alcatraz in San Francisco bay.
Sailor or not though, for the past two months I have been gripped by the day-to-day experiences of professional sailor and artist, 29-year old Lia Ditton, as she competes in what's known as the "toughest rowing race on earth". Otherwise known as the Woodvale Challenge - the race means rowing 2500 Nautical miles (or 2,876 land miles) from La Gomera in the Canary Islands to Antigua in the Caribbean. Lia and her rowing partner, 44 year-old Mick Birchall, a Detective Inspector with the Cambridgeshire Police, have been rowing alternate two-hour periods for 12 hours a day for the past 70 days. They have just 127 miles to row - maybe four or five more days of rowing - and if you go to the Atlantic Rowing Race website you can track their progress and hopefully see Dream Maker cross the finish line very very soon.
This week is most certainly their hardest. They've run out of sunscreen, toilet paper and are about to run out of food. The title of one of Lia's blogs says it all. The nearer you get, the longer it takes!
Lia's daily blog (http://www.oarsomechallenge.co.uk/) has been a fascinating insight into the highs and lows of the race. The challenge as much a psychological one as a physical one and how navigating the sometimes stormy seas of a friendship with her rowing partner, has been almost as tricky as navigating her way to shore.
As a coach, most of what I talk about with clients is setting and achieving goals. Lia's goal, however, puts a lot in perspective. Rowing across the Atlantic must surely be up there as an all-time biggie.
In Lia's own words,"Over the past 2 months, I’ve had 620 hours of thinking time! Who has such a luxury? So what have I learned during all that time at the open university? Good question ... the experience did leave its mark. Most importantly the Vipashna mantra stuck. ‘Patience and Persistence and you are BOUND to be successful."
And that's what achieving something - be it a big or small goal - really does boil down to. Patience and persistence. You put one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal - - or in Lia's case, one oar -and if you just keep going you eventually get there.
That's it in very simplistic terms. There's a starting point, there's a finish line. It's how you manage the distance in between that counts.
Lia's family and friends must be incredibly proud of her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they stay strong. Come on Dream Maker!
Dawn
Monday, 15 March 2010
Monday, 7 December 2009
Why Imperfect is Just Fine...
How often have you set yourself a goal - started off blazing, all systems go, only to find a few days, weeks or months into it, the enthusiasm wanes, sputters and finally dies?
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
I'm guilty of that as much as anyone. But last month I finally achieved something I've always wanted to do. Something I've taken a stab at almost too many times to count. But something that's always got the better of me. I wrote a novel. In 30 days.
In a moment I'll tell you how I did it and also how you can apply the same techniques to achieving almost any goal you set your mind to.
But first a little bit about National Novel Writing Month - or NaNoWriMo. It's a programme designed to get thousands of would-be novelists past the finishing line - 50,000 words, the length of a (very) short novel. The difference is its emphasis is on quantity not quality. 50,000 amazingly imperfect words not necessarily in the right order - it's a crazy ride. But the fundamental concept is that buried within all that bad writing, every writer is likely to find their own particular brand of writer's gold. And more, it's about a sense of accomplishment.
NaNoWriMo may specifically be about writing a novel, but as I churned out word after word, day after day, I realised that the same concepts can be applied to achieving any goal.
Seven steps to achieving your goals:
1. Switch off your internal critic. He or she is the one who tells you 'You can't do this', 'This is stupid' and 'You're a complete failure' or my favourite 'Who do you think you are?’ You don't need your internal critic. When has he or she ever worked in your best interests?
2. Imperfect action is better than perfect action. You can sit around tinkering with your business plan or novel until its perfect, or refrain from participating in that 10K until you're a better runner, or not bother about pitching to customers until you've got your branding just right. But ultimately, how is being perfect working for you right now? Got any clients? Finished that novel? Don't strive for perfect first time round. Cut yourself some slack. Being creative needs a little nurturing - not nagging.
3. Break your goal down into smaller, bite-size pieces. 50,000 words in 30 days sounds horrible. 1600 words a day on the other hand sounds almost ok. Likewise, if you've got a big plan such as setting up a business, developing a sales strategy or even losing weight, break it down into bits - and focus on one bit at a time. Keep your bigger goal in sight of course, but focus on the daily smaller goals to keep you on track.
4. Which leads me to Just for Today. Every once in a while it's likely you'll get overwhelmed by how big your task seems. that's when your internal critic is at his or her loudest. When that happens, forget that big ambitious picture completely. Make a very small list. Just for Today I'm going to tune out negative comments, Just for Today I'm going to pitch my idea to just one potential client, Just for Today I'm going to write 1000 words. Tomorrow can look after itself... just for today.
5. Connect with the stuff that blows your hair back. By this I mean try to find the parts of your challenge that you really love. If you're training for the London marathon right now then the next few months are going to mean going out in the cold and dark to run. Not the biggest incentive on the whole planet, I know. So instead, focus on the one thing that makes you feel good about your challenge. Perhaps it's the feeling of having done it, how your body feels after you've exercised, maybe it's the quiet time you get alone with your thoughts as you run. Focus on that feeling, and make it really big in your mind. Make it the one reason you're doing this. In my case, I fell in love with my characters, actually, my romantic lead. Well, someone had to!
6. Excellence is not an act it's a habit - to quote Albert Einstein. There were days I didn't write and then at the end of the week had to write 6,000 words just to catch up. That was hard-going. But making 1600 words a day eventually became a habit. Tomorrow's successes and failures all have their root in the actions you take today - so make them good ones.
7. Lastly, and more importantly - Just Start. Start working on your goal today. Forget the reasons why you shouldn't, needn't, can't... the longest journey begins with a single step!
While November was my month of writing dangerously, December is definitely about recovering! I wrote 50,000 words but I didn't get to the gym all month. My caffeine consumption went through the roof (in equal proportion to my chocolate consumption). And while Undercover Prince: A Deadline for Desire is unlikely to be hitting your local bookshop any time soon (but if you'd like a good laugh, I'm happy to send you a copy of my first draft), for me it's something I did, imperfectly. But now I have a first draft to work on and refine if I choose. And I didn't have that a month ago.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Friday, 20 November 2009
A Week in Twitterville
(Or: everything I know about Twitter I’ve learnt by mistake)
Twitter is another country. It’s a country where everyone is on 24-7. And you’re the newbie immigrant, fresh off the boat. You’ve stumbled on a land where everyone seems to know what they’re doing, everyone has a language you can’t quite understand, there appear to be rules but heaven knows what they are. And boy, it’s noisy, isn’t it? So you blunder around, you mess up, you make a fool of yourself (or was that only me?).
At the time of writing this blog, I have only slightly more than 150 followers and 79 tweets so I am a bare dot on the huge intangible mass that is Twitter. In other words I am not a social networking ingénue. But I am human. So, these are not Twitter rules by any stretch of the imagination. This is my own personal Twitter survival guide pulled together after emerging blinking from a week of total Twitter immersion. I hope you don’t mind if I share. If they make sense to you use them, share them (retweet them! Get me, picking up the lingo already).
Yesterday I had to give myself a good talking to. It went something like this:
1. You have nothing to prove. No, really. You may one day even have 5,000 followers. But they won’t be hanging on to every word you say. They really won’t. Unless you’re Barack Obama, and last time I looked, you weren’t.
2. The world will go on turning if you don’t tweet for a day or two. So go on relax, prise your fingers from the keyboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.
3. Remember the old days when you came across something interesting, you’d want to share it with your friends and family? How often would that happen – once a day? Two or three times a week? So all of a sudden you’re sharing everything you do from the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed? Why? Oh yes, because you can. Can doesn’t mean should.
4. Twitter is not your confidante. It’s not your best friend. Twitter is a stranger you’ve just met at a cocktail party or business function. Remember that.
5. Only tweet when you feel moved to not because you feel you must. You don’t have to be the most articulate, the most intelligent, the funniest, the most resourceful, insightful, the coolest... you just have to be you.
6. You have a real life. Remember those things attached to your body? They’re called legs. Use them, move them around a bit. Feels good, doesn’t it? Get outside. Speak to real people – you know the ones you can actually physically see. With your eyes.
7. Oh yes, performance anxiety. Just because you have people following you, you don’t have to be perfect. See Rule 1 and 5. Go ahead and get it wrong sometimes, look stupid. Laugh at yourself.
8. It’s not a competition... unless you want your epitaph to be “This woman/man was amazing on Twitter.” Ignore the follower count.
9. Twitter is not for the paranoid – if you are even slightly paranoid, you will become more so. That person who unfollows you, the deafening silence you get when you tweet something you thought was really really hilarious... all that will serve to convince you, you are the outcast at the party, so that’s why I needed rule number 10:
10. Have a Twitter Strategy – okay for the first week or so, you might get so immersed in Twitter you lose all sense of reason (your house doesn’t get cleaned, the kids don’t get fed). But once you wake from it, in my case with a bewildered look on my face (something I like to call my Twitterface), a strategy looks like a sure thing. Decide what you want to use Twitter for – business, social, a mixture of both - and then stick to it.
11. More importantly - have a Twitter Antidote. Twitter can get noisy and exhausting and overwhelming. Do something else. You were you before Twitter happened, you still are. Though perhaps slightly more dishevelled. Would it hurt you to brush your hair once in a while?
12. Tune out the noise. Personally I think it’s only good manners if someone follows you for you to follow them right back. They’re extending their hand in greeting. You wouldn’t refuse to shake someone’s hand in real life – why do it on Twitter? But your Twitter world is going to get real noisy real soon. Enter Tony Mack @TonyMackGD who put aside his own incredulity at my ignorance to kindly tell me how to use Tweetdeck to create my own lists. Thank you Tony!
13. You’re not missing anything important if you don’t read every tweet. If it’s that important it will be on the news.
14. Lighten up. Being sociable all the time is hard work, and more so if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It may feel like another country, but wherever you go, there you will be... even on Twitter.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Twitter is another country. It’s a country where everyone is on 24-7. And you’re the newbie immigrant, fresh off the boat. You’ve stumbled on a land where everyone seems to know what they’re doing, everyone has a language you can’t quite understand, there appear to be rules but heaven knows what they are. And boy, it’s noisy, isn’t it? So you blunder around, you mess up, you make a fool of yourself (or was that only me?).
At the time of writing this blog, I have only slightly more than 150 followers and 79 tweets so I am a bare dot on the huge intangible mass that is Twitter. In other words I am not a social networking ingénue. But I am human. So, these are not Twitter rules by any stretch of the imagination. This is my own personal Twitter survival guide pulled together after emerging blinking from a week of total Twitter immersion. I hope you don’t mind if I share. If they make sense to you use them, share them (retweet them! Get me, picking up the lingo already).
Yesterday I had to give myself a good talking to. It went something like this:
1. You have nothing to prove. No, really. You may one day even have 5,000 followers. But they won’t be hanging on to every word you say. They really won’t. Unless you’re Barack Obama, and last time I looked, you weren’t.
2. The world will go on turning if you don’t tweet for a day or two. So go on relax, prise your fingers from the keyboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax.
3. Remember the old days when you came across something interesting, you’d want to share it with your friends and family? How often would that happen – once a day? Two or three times a week? So all of a sudden you’re sharing everything you do from the minute you get up to the minute you go to bed? Why? Oh yes, because you can. Can doesn’t mean should.
4. Twitter is not your confidante. It’s not your best friend. Twitter is a stranger you’ve just met at a cocktail party or business function. Remember that.
5. Only tweet when you feel moved to not because you feel you must. You don’t have to be the most articulate, the most intelligent, the funniest, the most resourceful, insightful, the coolest... you just have to be you.
6. You have a real life. Remember those things attached to your body? They’re called legs. Use them, move them around a bit. Feels good, doesn’t it? Get outside. Speak to real people – you know the ones you can actually physically see. With your eyes.
7. Oh yes, performance anxiety. Just because you have people following you, you don’t have to be perfect. See Rule 1 and 5. Go ahead and get it wrong sometimes, look stupid. Laugh at yourself.
8. It’s not a competition... unless you want your epitaph to be “This woman/man was amazing on Twitter.” Ignore the follower count.
9. Twitter is not for the paranoid – if you are even slightly paranoid, you will become more so. That person who unfollows you, the deafening silence you get when you tweet something you thought was really really hilarious... all that will serve to convince you, you are the outcast at the party, so that’s why I needed rule number 10:
10. Have a Twitter Strategy – okay for the first week or so, you might get so immersed in Twitter you lose all sense of reason (your house doesn’t get cleaned, the kids don’t get fed). But once you wake from it, in my case with a bewildered look on my face (something I like to call my Twitterface), a strategy looks like a sure thing. Decide what you want to use Twitter for – business, social, a mixture of both - and then stick to it.
11. More importantly - have a Twitter Antidote. Twitter can get noisy and exhausting and overwhelming. Do something else. You were you before Twitter happened, you still are. Though perhaps slightly more dishevelled. Would it hurt you to brush your hair once in a while?
12. Tune out the noise. Personally I think it’s only good manners if someone follows you for you to follow them right back. They’re extending their hand in greeting. You wouldn’t refuse to shake someone’s hand in real life – why do it on Twitter? But your Twitter world is going to get real noisy real soon. Enter Tony Mack @TonyMackGD who put aside his own incredulity at my ignorance to kindly tell me how to use Tweetdeck to create my own lists. Thank you Tony!
13. You’re not missing anything important if you don’t read every tweet. If it’s that important it will be on the news.
14. Lighten up. Being sociable all the time is hard work, and more so if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It may feel like another country, but wherever you go, there you will be... even on Twitter.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Sunday, 15 November 2009
You're a What?
If I had a pound for every time someone asked me what a business coach is... well, there's a beach in Bali that has my name on it.
I've experimented with several different ways of explaining what I do. And I'm not alone in Coach World. Trying to define the term life or business coach takes up a hefty chunk of Coach Training 101.
The one I'm currently going with (and it does change) is: well, you know how a personal trainer helps get your body in shape? A business coach is a personal trainer for your business, getting your business into the shape you want it to be, trimming the fat, building some muscle, strengthening the backbone.
Defining your product or your services to your customer can be tricky if what you do is something completely new and, as a result, foreign.
So I liked this article and video tweeted by @GuyKawasaki on a technique called Anchor and Twist
Hope you find it useful!
Dawn
I've experimented with several different ways of explaining what I do. And I'm not alone in Coach World. Trying to define the term life or business coach takes up a hefty chunk of Coach Training 101.
The one I'm currently going with (and it does change) is: well, you know how a personal trainer helps get your body in shape? A business coach is a personal trainer for your business, getting your business into the shape you want it to be, trimming the fat, building some muscle, strengthening the backbone.
Defining your product or your services to your customer can be tricky if what you do is something completely new and, as a result, foreign.
So I liked this article and video tweeted by @GuyKawasaki on a technique called Anchor and Twist
Hope you find it useful!
Dawn
Saturday, 7 November 2009
What Are You Putting Up With?
If you find any word in this post that's clearly missing a c let me know and I'll give you £5.
My cat likes to sit on my laptop (because it's warm and I sometimes - stupid me - leave it open). When I tried to prise her off after her latest attempt at disguising herself as a laptop cover, she did what all cats do, she dug her claws in. And pulled the c off. After some fiddling I reattached it but ... it's not perfect. Sometimes the c works if I really make sure I push the key down hard, sometimes I forget and I type ontrary and aount. Oh rap!
(Before you go tweeting me demanding your fiver, those ones I just wrote were intentional, okay?)
This same week I also found myself wrestling with the washing machine for the umpteenth time, holding the broken cupboard door up to stop it falling on the floor while simultaneously opening the machine door with my other hand and throwing a pile of laundry inside. I then spent several minutes trying to lodge the broken door back in place so no one would notice any difference to my other "non-broken" cupboard doors. This all coincided with my neighbour casually asking me last night if my fridge light had gone out. He'd gone looking in my fridge for a bottle of white wine. I didn't dare tell him it had gone out circa Halloween 2008.
A coach colleague of mine calls it "the sand in your shoe"... in a nutshell, it's all the stuff you're putting up with for one reason or another, the stuff that irritates the hell out of you but you just haven't got round to doing anything about. Other than moan.
The sand in your shoe, what you're putting up with, your tolerations - they can sap your time, sap your money, and more importantly, sap your energy.
Every time you walk by your desk, trying to blithely ignore the pile of papers you haven't filed yet, every time you spend twenty minutes looking for the pair of scissors somewhere in the house, every time you apologise about the mess when you offer to give your friends a lift in the car (or worse, avoid giving your friend a lift because you're too embarrassed about the state of it) - all those things you know you "should" do/be doing/have done - nag you.
And no one likes a nag. Even if it is only your Inner You nagging your Outer You. Eventually, what you're tolerating leaves you feeling overwhelmed and either unable or unwilling to tackle even the smallest thing.
What are you putting up with?
Tackling your tolerations first involves finding out what they really are:
Part One:
Give yourself thirty minutes, sit down with a pen and paper or at your computer and start making your list. List every single thing you are putting up with. You don't have to limit it to tangible things either. Maybe you're putting up with your other half being constantly late, or a boss who treats you badly, or a job you've simply outgrown. List everything that's irritating you, bothering you, and generally making you feel miserable.
Don't be alarmed if you've got quite a long list there. The first time I did this I had 161 tolerations! I must have been like a bear with a sore head to be around.
Part Two:
Now decide which one of your tolerations you're going to do something about first. Then go take care of it until you can cross it off your list. Then move on to the next toleration.
You might want to tackle one thing on your list every week, or one item every day, or if you get a real burst of energy you might find yourself crossing four or five items off your list in one go.
There's a very good reason why you might do the latter. Scientists have found that accomplishing small tasks or completing a challenge releases endorphins much the same way exercise does.
Taking action and doing something about all those things that are bothering you feels good. And that creates an upward spiral, giving you a boost of energy to get even more done.
Best wishes,
Dawn
My cat likes to sit on my laptop (because it's warm and I sometimes - stupid me - leave it open). When I tried to prise her off after her latest attempt at disguising herself as a laptop cover, she did what all cats do, she dug her claws in. And pulled the c off. After some fiddling I reattached it but ... it's not perfect. Sometimes the c works if I really make sure I push the key down hard, sometimes I forget and I type ontrary and aount. Oh rap!
(Before you go tweeting me demanding your fiver, those ones I just wrote were intentional, okay?)
This same week I also found myself wrestling with the washing machine for the umpteenth time, holding the broken cupboard door up to stop it falling on the floor while simultaneously opening the machine door with my other hand and throwing a pile of laundry inside. I then spent several minutes trying to lodge the broken door back in place so no one would notice any difference to my other "non-broken" cupboard doors. This all coincided with my neighbour casually asking me last night if my fridge light had gone out. He'd gone looking in my fridge for a bottle of white wine. I didn't dare tell him it had gone out circa Halloween 2008.
A coach colleague of mine calls it "the sand in your shoe"... in a nutshell, it's all the stuff you're putting up with for one reason or another, the stuff that irritates the hell out of you but you just haven't got round to doing anything about. Other than moan.
The sand in your shoe, what you're putting up with, your tolerations - they can sap your time, sap your money, and more importantly, sap your energy.
Every time you walk by your desk, trying to blithely ignore the pile of papers you haven't filed yet, every time you spend twenty minutes looking for the pair of scissors somewhere in the house, every time you apologise about the mess when you offer to give your friends a lift in the car (or worse, avoid giving your friend a lift because you're too embarrassed about the state of it) - all those things you know you "should" do/be doing/have done - nag you.
And no one likes a nag. Even if it is only your Inner You nagging your Outer You. Eventually, what you're tolerating leaves you feeling overwhelmed and either unable or unwilling to tackle even the smallest thing.
A pile of filing might not seem like a priority but if it takes you 20 minutes to find a document because it's not filed properly, then it's a drain on your time, energy and money.
What are you putting up with?
Tackling your tolerations first involves finding out what they really are:
Part One:
Give yourself thirty minutes, sit down with a pen and paper or at your computer and start making your list. List every single thing you are putting up with. You don't have to limit it to tangible things either. Maybe you're putting up with your other half being constantly late, or a boss who treats you badly, or a job you've simply outgrown. List everything that's irritating you, bothering you, and generally making you feel miserable.
Don't be alarmed if you've got quite a long list there. The first time I did this I had 161 tolerations! I must have been like a bear with a sore head to be around.
Part Two:
Now decide which one of your tolerations you're going to do something about first. Then go take care of it until you can cross it off your list. Then move on to the next toleration.
You might want to tackle one thing on your list every week, or one item every day, or if you get a real burst of energy you might find yourself crossing four or five items off your list in one go.
There's a very good reason why you might do the latter. Scientists have found that accomplishing small tasks or completing a challenge releases endorphins much the same way exercise does.
Taking action and doing something about all those things that are bothering you feels good. And that creates an upward spiral, giving you a boost of energy to get even more done.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Friday, 30 October 2009
Fear Busting
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. It’s a quote we’ve probably heard so often we might have become jaded about its real meaning. The words were spoken famously by Winston Churchill, but also by the American President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, during his first inaugural address in 1933. At the time America, and the world, were going through The Great Depression. Much like today, people were losing their homes, their jobs. Hope and optimism were at an all-time low. The full sentence was:
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In short, what FDR was saying was, while things might well be really bad right now, if we give in to fear, become paralysed by pessimism and doubt and do nothing to get ourselves back on our feet, then things can and will get a whole lot worse. No matter how frightened you are, take action. Sometimes doing one small thing that moves you in the direction of your goal can kick-start an upward spiral away from feeling that fear and doubt.
Five tips to get yourself unspooked
It's part of the journey
Fear is part and parcel of the journey, the same way service stations are part of the motorway. Expect it. In fact expect fear to raise its ugly head every 10 miles or so. Stop a while if you have to, but ultimately get back in the car and keep on going. Your destination is not a service station.
Call it what it is
Get into the habit of recognising when you feel fear. We've got so good at deceiving ourselves we often deny we're feeling anxious or nervous about a task or project, meeting or appointment. But if you find yourself putting something off time and again or if you're procrastinating more than usual, take a long hard look at what's going on. Label it "fear" and question what the fear is about. Ask yourself: Why am I so afraid of doing this? The answers can be enlightening.
It's like Halloween
The thought occured to me as I watched my kids try on their Halloween costumes, that a lot of what we fear is very much like a Halloween costume - strip away the fake blood, the skeleton outfit and grotty fake teeth and it's just a harmless three-year old with a very sweet tooth underneath. How much of what we fear is as terrifying as it at first appears? Fear can trick you into thinking the very worst thing that can happen ...will happen.
Which is why I get my clients to imagine their...
Worst-Case Scenario
What's the very worst thing you can imagine happening as you try to achieve your goal? Now think through how you would handle it? You'd handle it, right?
How have you handled problems in the past? However you handled them, recognise that you got over, through, past and beyond them.
Trust you have what it takes to get yourself out of the worst predicament. The world will not end, the sky won't fall down.
Here and Now
Fear is paralysing. The fear of putting a step wrong can be enough to stop us in our tracks. But fear is usually all about what might happen in the future, not about what might happen right now. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by pessimism and terrifying thoughts of what might happen, bring yourself back to the moment. What can you do today to move you in the direction of your goal? Forget tomorrow, next week, three months from now. Focus on the present. It might be a small thing, it might be a small part of a bigger task. But breaking your big chunk of worry down into smaller bite-size pieces helps reduce that scary feeling.
Even the smallest dot of optimism when coupled with action can be enough to keep fear in its place and stop it stopping you in your tracks.
Best wishes,
Dawn
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
In short, what FDR was saying was, while things might well be really bad right now, if we give in to fear, become paralysed by pessimism and doubt and do nothing to get ourselves back on our feet, then things can and will get a whole lot worse. No matter how frightened you are, take action. Sometimes doing one small thing that moves you in the direction of your goal can kick-start an upward spiral away from feeling that fear and doubt.
Five tips to get yourself unspooked
It's part of the journey
Fear is part and parcel of the journey, the same way service stations are part of the motorway. Expect it. In fact expect fear to raise its ugly head every 10 miles or so. Stop a while if you have to, but ultimately get back in the car and keep on going. Your destination is not a service station.
Call it what it is
Get into the habit of recognising when you feel fear. We've got so good at deceiving ourselves we often deny we're feeling anxious or nervous about a task or project, meeting or appointment. But if you find yourself putting something off time and again or if you're procrastinating more than usual, take a long hard look at what's going on. Label it "fear" and question what the fear is about. Ask yourself: Why am I so afraid of doing this? The answers can be enlightening.
It's like Halloween
The thought occured to me as I watched my kids try on their Halloween costumes, that a lot of what we fear is very much like a Halloween costume - strip away the fake blood, the skeleton outfit and grotty fake teeth and it's just a harmless three-year old with a very sweet tooth underneath. How much of what we fear is as terrifying as it at first appears? Fear can trick you into thinking the very worst thing that can happen ...will happen.
Which is why I get my clients to imagine their...
Worst-Case Scenario
What's the very worst thing you can imagine happening as you try to achieve your goal? Now think through how you would handle it? You'd handle it, right?
How have you handled problems in the past? However you handled them, recognise that you got over, through, past and beyond them.
Trust you have what it takes to get yourself out of the worst predicament. The world will not end, the sky won't fall down.
Here and Now
Fear is paralysing. The fear of putting a step wrong can be enough to stop us in our tracks. But fear is usually all about what might happen in the future, not about what might happen right now. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by pessimism and terrifying thoughts of what might happen, bring yourself back to the moment. What can you do today to move you in the direction of your goal? Forget tomorrow, next week, three months from now. Focus on the present. It might be a small thing, it might be a small part of a bigger task. But breaking your big chunk of worry down into smaller bite-size pieces helps reduce that scary feeling.
Even the smallest dot of optimism when coupled with action can be enough to keep fear in its place and stop it stopping you in your tracks.
Best wishes,
Dawn
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Are you the world's greatest juggler?
Do you ever get the feeling you've got way too many balls in the air? The job, that side project you're working on, that charity you've somehow volunteered you're going to arrange a cake sale for, the trips to the gym you have to make, the play dates you have to arrange for your kids plus the weekly visit to the in-laws. To the casual outsider it might look like you're the person who can do anything and everything without a moment's pause - others might describe you as capable and responsible and conscientious. Sound familiar?
The reality of it, however, is you feel it's all going to come crashing down around your ankles in spectacular fashion the minute you take your eyes off the balls, the moment you lose focus or pause for just a minute. Even though your mind and body may be crying out for you to do just that - stop - you don't. You keep on juggling.
The danger is that it all starts becoming overwhelming. When you're juggling that many balls, realistically, there's only so much focus and attention you can give each one. Add one more thing to juggle and your resources - your time, energy, patience - just get that much further stretched. Ultimately you end up giving less of yourself to more things. And when you give less of yourself, the results are usually less than satisfying. People start to complain - maybe your work isn't quite as polished as usual, your partner resents that you're not really connecting... and that negative feedback can make you feel that all you need to do is juggle harder and faster to keep everyone happy.
So, stop. Stop juggling for a moment. Take a minute to think of all the things you are doing, all the stuff you are keeping up in the air, sometimes by sheer willpower alone.
How much of this stuff is necessary?
How much of what you are juggling is fulfilling?
What can you let go of?
What would happen if you let go?
Sometimes the things we do have nothing whatsoever to do with what's important to us. We take on a project and never stop to evaluate months down the line, if that project is still valid, or we adopt a certain behaviour and stick with it, never realising that sometimes our behaviour no longer works in our current lives. A lot of what we do is because we think we should, not because we really want to.
Just for one day, allow yourself to drop a few of the things on your "have to do" list. You can always pick them up again tomorrow. If you're feeling motivated, think about what you could drop for a month. Or, even... what could you let go of forever?
Have a great week,
Dawn
The reality of it, however, is you feel it's all going to come crashing down around your ankles in spectacular fashion the minute you take your eyes off the balls, the moment you lose focus or pause for just a minute. Even though your mind and body may be crying out for you to do just that - stop - you don't. You keep on juggling.
The danger is that it all starts becoming overwhelming. When you're juggling that many balls, realistically, there's only so much focus and attention you can give each one. Add one more thing to juggle and your resources - your time, energy, patience - just get that much further stretched. Ultimately you end up giving less of yourself to more things. And when you give less of yourself, the results are usually less than satisfying. People start to complain - maybe your work isn't quite as polished as usual, your partner resents that you're not really connecting... and that negative feedback can make you feel that all you need to do is juggle harder and faster to keep everyone happy.
So, stop. Stop juggling for a moment. Take a minute to think of all the things you are doing, all the stuff you are keeping up in the air, sometimes by sheer willpower alone.
How much of this stuff is necessary?
How much of what you are juggling is fulfilling?
What can you let go of?
What would happen if you let go?
Sometimes the things we do have nothing whatsoever to do with what's important to us. We take on a project and never stop to evaluate months down the line, if that project is still valid, or we adopt a certain behaviour and stick with it, never realising that sometimes our behaviour no longer works in our current lives. A lot of what we do is because we think we should, not because we really want to.
Just for one day, allow yourself to drop a few of the things on your "have to do" list. You can always pick them up again tomorrow. If you're feeling motivated, think about what you could drop for a month. Or, even... what could you let go of forever?
Have a great week,
Dawn
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