Step Away from the Crazy

The problem with a problem sometimes isn't actually the problem itself. Sometimes, the real problem with a problem is how consumed we become by it. We dwell on it, go over and over it in our minds, lose sleep over it, get ourselves twisted and tied up in knots and let that problem start to take over. That is, until we find a solution.

Ironically, the more we dwell and focus on the problem, the less easy finding a solution becomes. Standing too close to a problem looks something like this. 

 

That's a really nice big crazy mess you've got there.

Well, keeping your eyes on that same big crazy mess, take a step back. Take ten. At some point soon, it might start looking something like this:

This is the same problem, in perspective. All that white space is the other stuff in our lives. It's the friends we spend time with, the community we live in and engage with, it's the walk with the dog or the exercise at the gym, it's browsing a book shop, it's surfing the net. It's nice and clear, trouble-free white space. And it's where, more often than not, the solution to your brain-numbing problem lies.

How often have you struggled with an issue, only to have a friend inadvertently come up with the right answer? How often have you had a light bulb moment while exercising or in the shower, or doing the washing up? Incidentally, Agatha Christie said she used to come up with all her plots while doing the washing up. i.e. not sitting at her desk with a pen and paper trying to develop a story. Creating distance creates white space. Or in other words, if you focus too hard on a problem that's all you will see.

Five top problem busters:

1. Step away from the problem. Switch off your computer, iPad, mobile, whatever you're tied to. Remove yourself from the physical environment you're in - get outside, go for a walk, do anything but think about the issue you're wrestling with.

2. Change your routine. Our brains get set in their ways and become lazy when it comes to problem solving. We have a routine, we stick to it, our brains accept the status quo. Changing your routine creates a shift in your brain, forcing it to wake up and react to new stimuli. Shifts are great for creativity. And creativity is great for problem solving. So change what you eat for breakfast, the route you take to work, the music you listen to, do something you wouldn't normally do like enroll in a salsa class or get out of town for a day.

3. Speaking of creativity. The most effective problem solvers are the most creative. And I don't mean artists or musicians or dancers, necessarily. Creative problem solving means looking at every single factor and resource available and then coming up with as many different ways to combine those factors and resources to solve the problem. Make a list of everyone and everything around you who might offer a solution.  Now list every single way in which each of those can help. Don't dismiss any ideas at the start, just list them all, even if they seem ridiculous. Now start whittling down the list until you're left with one or two good solutions.

4. Let people know you need help.  People like to help and, more often than not, will if they can. Don't keep a problem to yourself when three or four people around you might be only too willing to pitch in and help you out. One of many of my grandma's sayings:  "A problem shared is a problem halved".

5. Keep things in perspective and keep it light! Ask yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is this problem? Handle it appropriately. Keep a sense of humour and build in some fun to your day. Remember fun? Your problem won't go away if you go out and enjoy yourself, but keeping things in perspective will ultimately help you get through.

Best wishes,

Dawn

So, where were we?

At the start of 2010, there was a hope that this year would bring good things, exciting developments and most of all positive changes. It hasn't disappointed.

Over the summer I moved to a farm in East Sussex, complete with a paddock, orchard, deer and rabbits in the garden, blackberry bushes and apple trees wherever we go, and breathtaking views over the Downs and surrounding farmland. It is truly beautiful and most of the time I catch myself, wondering what on earth I've done to deserve all this.

True, I was expecting the move to be more stressful. They say moving house is up there with death and divorce in terms of creating stress. I knew that, was aware of it and expected the stress levels to soar through the roof when I moved my family "to the country". It wasn't just a house move, but a lifestyle move, merging two families into one, and getting used to a whole new way (read: slower) way of living out in our East Sussex village. But some of the stress in our lives really is of our own doing, something I've become acutely aware of these past two weeks.

Not quite having made the adjustment to the different pace of life, when the kids started school last week I left the house half an hour early to drive the two miles to the neighbouring village. I was expecting the usual heavy "school run" traffic - "Chelsea tractors", traffic backed up for miles, a 15-minute battle to find a parking space within a mile of the school gates.

Well, the roads were completely empty. Not a car, not a bike. Not even a real tractor.

We arrived at the school 20 minutes early, me clearly looking like the keenest Mum on the block. Taking on board the expression When life gives you lemons, make lemonade we spent 15 minutes watching and talking to the ducks on the pond by the school. When the gates finally did open, the usual school commute stress had evaporated completely. Which, if anything, helped me blend in with the other parents who all looked remarkably stress-free, happy and relaxed.

Sometimes it's not the big life changes that cause the most stress, but the smaller mental shifts we have to make as a consequence. Those small mental shifts - getting used to the layout of a new house, where all the light switches are, which day the rubbish goes out - all feel like they're firing up different synapses in the brain. Which is perhaps why a change really is as good as a rest! It's a break from routine, it shakes things up a bit, gives you a different perspective on life - all those good cliches!

But, just in case I miss the faster pace of life, I will be up in London several times a month to take my usual coaching sessions. And the usual coaching news, tips and guides will be back from next month.

Best wishes,

Dawn