The P Word

If you're British, and I am, then chances are you're uncomfortable with the p word. Passion. We don't talk about our passions much, do we? What we're passionate about, what blows our hair back and floats our boat... well, it's all slightly embarrassing. At most someone might say "Yeah, I really love doing this or that". But if someone starts talking about their "passion", chances are they'll be given a slightly wary look and a much wider berth from that point on. Step back from the crazy person. Passion we leave to our high-fiving American friends, or the Italians... they're much better at it than we are.

But passion, what we're passionate about, what drives us, is an important part of who we are. If we're talking about life being a journey - and it seems everyone is talking about their "journey" these days - then passion pretty much is the vehicle you're driving, the compass you're navigating with, the route map and the road. And it's certainly the fuel in your engine.

And at 0 pence per litre, you can go a long way without breaking the bank.

Some clients come to me knowing exactly what they want to talk about. They have a clear goal and generally need someone to help them create a strategy to achieve that goal. Others don't have a clear goal, just a sense (vague or otherwise) that life doesn't quite fit the way they want it to. Like a badly-fitting suit, it's tight in all the wrong places, the fabric is itchy and makes them look frumpy. And the colour's all wrong.

"Passion is the fuel in your

engine. And at 0 pence per

litre, you can go a long way

without breaking the bank"

Whenever I coach a client who doesn't have a clear idea of what they want, just a very clear idea of what they don't want, one of the first things I do is try to connect them to what they feel passionate about. Some people have a real fear of not knowing where they're going, or even where they want to go. There's a sense that we should know what we want to do with our lives, we should have goals and visions and plans. But the beauty in not knowing is that you have a whole blank page upon which to create something. And it can be anything. Without a fixed goal, anything is possible. You are free to let your passions guide you.

So what are you passionate about and what are you going to do about it?

Passions don't have to be some big deal. Not everyone wants to be a novelist or actor or become the next big entrepreneur. One of my friends, a former professional singer, hasn't sung in public for 20 years. One day she woke up and realised how much she missed it. So she joined a local choir and that's all she needs to get that same little buzz from doing something she really really loves.

So... take a pen and paper. Make a list.

*what would you do with your day for pure enjoyment's sake if you didn't have to work, didn't have any responsibilities and had limitless resources (money, technology, space, time). List as many things as possible.

* which of the things you listed could potentially a) provide a source of income; b) improve your life in material, emotional and physical ways? Cross out any of the items on your list that don't fit the above criteria (so out goes the 24-hour tv session and gorging on chocolate all day - sorry!)

* Of the remaining items on your list - which one really really excites you?

* How could you get more of it into your life?

* What steps are you going to commit to, in order to get more of it into your life?

* What is the first step?

* Take that first step.

Have a great week,

Dawn

PS: I've just dug out an old 70s song by Harry Nilssen for my kids to have a listen. It's called Blanket for a Sail. It's about a tiny little boat, faith is keeping it afloat and it's got a tiny little skipper with a worn and tattered coat:

"The laws of the ocean, say that you should never fail.

Just use your heart as a rudder, faith as a compass and a blanket for a sail"

The Importance of the Box...

I'm talking jigsaw puzzles here. Now, I'm not one for jigsaws, the ones that come in boxes. Maybe because I'm too busy sorting out puzzles all my very own on a daily basis. But it was while I was sorting out one of these daily dilemmas that I started to see how the way to solve problems successfully is much like sitting down to do that 1,000-piecer your well-meaning Auntie got you for Christmas when you were about 8. You know, the one with the sailing boats or the two kittens sitting in a basket of wool.

So, what do you do when you do a jigsaw? Well, first you tip all those little (irritating) pieces out on the carpet or table or wherever. (I remember my grandma's carpet, big intricately coloured and patterned - nightmare for jigsaws). Then what do you do? You start laboriously turning all those little pieces over so that the picture side is face up. Maybe you start sorting out which are edge pieces, which are corner pieces, maybe you group together the pieces that are obviously sky (or kitten) versus sea (wool).

And then you look at the box. Or rather the picture on the box. Picture on the box, pieces on the carpet, picture on the box... you've done jigsaws, you know what I mean.

One particular problem I was trying to sort out recently was how many hours and human beings it was going to take to cover childcare over a 24 hour period. Every solution I came up with ultimately drew a blank. Just as I was about to curl up in the fetal position and pull the duvet over my head I had a thought. I don't even know what the picture is, let alone where all the pieces go. Once I realised that it all became relatively simple.

So, then. Let's say the first rule of solving a problem or creating a plan is: what is the picture, the one you are trying to create? What does the solution to your problem look like, in other words.

Once you know what your picture is, the rest is straightforward enough. You start looking at the pieces you've got on the table/carpet. These pieces - these are your resources. In my case, these were friends, family, babysitters, playgroups I could somehow wrangle/cajole and bribe into helping me out.

Next step, unless you really enjoy being hard on yourself, (in which case, I say go for it) you create the framework. You line up all those edge pieces, match them together until you've created your frame inside which all the other pieces will go.

Your frame is the parameter of your plan. You've dismissed silly ideas, impractical ideas, ideas that require too much money, time, energy... these belong outside the parameter. You don't need to worry about them any more.

So then you're left with the pieces that do work. You slowly examine each piece/resource... where does it fit in this picture, the picture on the box, your plan? Sometimes, those puzzles are easy-peasy: 25 pieces, 50 pieces; sometimes they're the doozies, 1000 pieces - these take time and effort and lots of thought.... and patience.

But once you have the picture - if you have the picture - it's simply a matter of taking each step one piece at a time.

Back to the box. It's got the picture on it. The picture is also the theme. Like me you might have lots of different jigsaws relating to different themes in your life: childcare, work, friends, family, children, health. And every day or week or month, life will throw up a particular challenge that needs sorting out and piecing together. Keep referring back to the picture... it'll keep you on the right track.

Hoping they're all 25-piecers...


Dawn

Eyes on the Prize

Trying your vision on for size

Ever tried on a new suit or dress and something about it made you stand just that little bit taller, hold your head a bit higher, push your shoulders back just that much further? Something about the look and feel of it and how it made you look and feel when you turned to the mirror, well, it might have even made you walk differently. Perhaps you even, dare I say it... strutted?

Imagine now then that your vision is that suit. Whatever your vision is, whether it's signing up your first client for your start-up business, crossing the finishing line of the marathon, or getting into a smaller dress size, you need to both see and feel it.

Ask any athlete and their coach and they'll tell you that visualisation is as important a part of training as running any distance, or jumping any height or kicking any ball.

In the case of, say, a golfer - he will see himself swing the club in the optimum arc to the correct height and then back to the ball which he will then see himself hit at the correct angle, with the right amount of force and follow-through. The act of visualising it involves more than just playing it like a video in his head. While he visualises the movement, his brain is sending messages to his arms, his legs, his knees (whichever part of his body will be involved in the swing) about their correct alignment and position. It's not magic, it's a dress rehearsal. By the time he comes out to the green he's been through the golf swing so many times in his mind, his body is primed to perform the swing just as he visualised it.

Visualisation is not just for athletes. Anyone can apply this visualisation technique to just about anything.

So let's take the example of dropping a dress size. You want to lose 5lbs in 6 weeks. Visualise you - you reaching that goal. How will you look? More importantly, how will you feel? Imagine your body already 5lbs lighter. Act as if you've already achieved it. How do you feel about yourself? Proud, happy, excited... record those feelings and mentally tag them to the goal of losing 5lbs in 6 weeks.

Whenever you feel tempted to cheat on your diet/exercise programme, stop - remember your goal and those happy, proud and excited feelings. Make those feelings as tangible as that suit I described earlier. Which feels better - sticking to your programme or eating that donut?

Experiment a little to find out what works for you - some people find a visualisation exercise once a week is perfect, for others, five minutes of visualising achieving their goal every day keeps them on track.

Anyone for Swingball?

Here's a visualisation exercise for anyone who wants a little extra help sticking to those New Year's Resolutions.

Ever played Swingball? You know, the tennis ball on a piece of string attached to a pole which goes into the ground. You and your opponent bat the ball round and round the pole, one clockwise, the other anti-clockwise. One player is trying to get the rope moving up the central coils all the way to the top of the pole, the other player is trying to move the rope down the central coils to the bottom of the pole. Each swing of the ball moves the rope upwards or downwards depending who hits it.

Imagine your goal is at the top of the Swingball pole. Let's take exercising as a our resolution as it seems to be most common one people make.

So, you've planned out your exercise programme - say, you're going to exercise three times a week for thirty minutes.

Every time you exercise, imagine you are hitting the Swingball and the rope is moving up one coil. At the end of the week you've exercised three times, you've reached the top of the pole. Great. Now repeat the process at the start of the next week, and the week after that and so on.

So, now what generally happens? At around week three or so, we have this habit of veering off track. Say you miss one day of exercise for whatever reason. You may just be busy, it may just be an off day, you might just be feeling uninspired. What tends to happen with New Year's Resolutions is the very moment we "fail" - we miss a run, eat that chocolate muffin, have a cigarette - the psychological impact of failing is enough to send us spiralling downwards. We've set ourselves such a high standard with no wiggle room for the odd slip-up that the guilt and the feeling of failing sabotage our plans. We give up.

So let's stop there for a minute. Retrace our steps - and imagine that Swingball again. So you miss an exercise day - what happens to the Swingball? The rope moves down just one coil - note: it does not automatically go all the way to the bottom. You are still, generally speaking, making upwards progress. Does that make it easier to keep your goals, and your progress towards them, in context?

The key then:

• break your New Year's Resolution into small bite-size chunks. This week I will exercise three times for thirty minutes rather than I am going to exercise every day for the next three months. Or, for today only I'm going to eat healthily rather than I'm never going to eat chocolate again.

• imagine the Swingball - or if you like - upward progress, versus downward progress. Every time you exercise, eat healthily for a day, take vitamins, don't smoke - you move one step upwards. Keep focused on reaching the top of the coil...

• If you slip up, remember keeping the top of the Swingball coil in focus, think: what can i do to keep myself on track?

• give yourself lots of positive feedback - praise yourself - how often do we do that? feel good about every step no matter how small.

• be kind to yourself - New Year's Resolutions are about becoming better people - fitter, healthier, nicer. That in itself is something to feel good about.

Good luck with all your resolutions!

Warmest wishes,

Dawn

The Art of Giving

One of the coaches I trained under has recently started his own blog. Dr Jim Vuocolo is one of the wisest, kindest coaches I have been lucky enough to meet. His first blog had this holiday message.

Every year Jim and his wife choose a random address in the local phone book from a rundown section of the town they live in. They send an anonymous note to that address, along with a $10 or $20 bill. The note simply says: "Dear friend — If you can use the enclosed gift to make life better for yourself or someone else this holiday season, please do so. If not, please take a moment to pass it on anonymously to someone else. Thank you, and have a truly blessed holiday season!"

What a great idea. I started thinking how it would feel to receive a gift like that in the mail and it inspired me to think about doing the same. But as I wondered how I would decide which address to send my donation to, I started thinking. "What if the money gets "lost" in the post?" My family used to send money in the post in birthday and Christmas cards, but twice the money never showed up. Either it got lost, or I admit I started harbouring suspicions about the men and women who work in our local sorting office.

Then I started thinking - What if the person I send the money to uses it to buy alcohol or drugs or what if they gambled it away? What if they were insulted by the charity? What if it went to someone really evil?

By this time I'd pretty much talked myself out of the whole idea.

So I had to stop myself for a minute and give myself a good talking to. How often have we talked ourselves out of doing something nice or charitable by seeing the negative? The homeless person on the street who you walk on by because you know he's going to buy booze with any money he gets? The thought that any donation you make to organised charity might just get swallowed up by administration costs or paying salaries?

When we do that though, we deny ourselves an important part of the giving process. Giving is a two-way thing. It feels good to give, maybe even better than it does to receive. No, we can't control how our gifts - money, time, patience - will be received, but really that side of it is out of our hands.

We can only control our own happiness - giving will make you feel better, that's almost guaranteed.

You can find Dr Jim Vuocolo's blog here: http://jimvuocolo.com and at www.soulbusiness.com

Wishing you all good things for 2009,

Dawn